Page 90 of A Perfect Disaster

“The performance reports we have on the table don’t exactly say that, Helen.”

“With all due respect, reports only measure numbers,” I counter. “I’m efficient, organized, and methodical. I know how to contain a security crisis and follow standard operating procedures to the letter. But Maika has something I lack: empathy that money can’t buy.”

Julianne flashes a smile.

“Interesting term.”

“Please don’t take it as a joke,” I ask with a somewhat bitter smile.

“I’m not taking it as a joke at all. I’m listening.”

I take a breath, adjusting the collar of my shirt.

“Maika understands the human factor. She doesn’t just manage people; she knows how to read the passengers and her crew. She knows when to yell at the right moment, when to give a hug, and when to explain things three times so a rookie doesn’t feel like a failure just because they’re scared. Filling out budgets, balancing sheets in Excel, and writing incident reports for the shipping company—you can learn that in two weeks. But that magic of getting people to follow you with a smile in the middle of a storm… that isn’t taught in any academy.”

Julianne looks at me with a newfound intensity, as if she were discovering a completely different Helen.

“You have leadership qualities that she doesn’t, Helen. You’re a pillar of this ship.”

“I know,” I admit, and doing so stings my soul. “But Maika is a sponge. She’ll absorb the technical side in the blink of an eye because she’s got more than enough intelligence and adaptability. And once she masters that part, she’ll be a thousand times better at this job than I could ever be.”

The words come pouring out of me.

“The company will come out ahead if they put her in charge of the shore offices,” I conclude with conviction.

“And you? What are you going to do with your career?”

The question hits me like a bucket of cold water.

“I’ll keep plugging away at my current job. Doing my duty, as always. I guess I’ll have to learn to put down roots and find my balance in a different way. Far from the offices on the mainland.”

Julianne takes her time before pressing the issue again.

“Does this surprising withdrawal have anything to do with the rumors about your personal relationship with the entertainment coordinator?” she asks point-blank. At this stage of the cruise, trying to hide anything from her is like trying to block out the sun with a finger.

“Yes,” I reply, laying my heart on the table. I no longer feel like making up stories. “It has to do with the fact that I’m madly in love with her and I don’t want to turn what we have into another pitched battle. But I promise you on my honor that I’m also doing this because I firmly believe she’s the ideal person for the job.”

“Helen, a decision made out of love can be just as blind and irrational as one made out of spite,” she warns me sensibly.

“I know,” I admit, swallowing hard. “That’s why I’m not here to ask you to give her the job. I’m just asking you to take me out of the equation. Evaluate Maika as strictly as you see fit. If you ultimately decide she doesn’t fit the profile, that’s up to management. But I’m not going to compete against the woman of my life.”

Julianne folds her hands on the desk and gives me a very serious look.

“Are you one hundred percent sure? If you close this door, it’s very likely that the promotion train won’t come around for you again.”

There it is, the final nail in the coffin. I feel a horrible emptiness beneath my ribs, the same dizziness I suffered long ago. The sensation of watching your goals evaporate while you remain composed and crownless. But this time there’s a difference: they aren’t firing me; I’m the one deciding to jump ship. And, miraculously, that makes me feel a little more in control of my own destiny.

“I’m absolutely sure,” I say. And I swear I feel proud of myself.

Julianne watches me for a long moment.

“Does Maika know anything about this?”

“Not a word.”

“Do you want us to tell her?”

“No!” I blurt out, too quickly and with a slightly hysterical tone.