Page 73 of We Shouldn’t Do This Again

Miriam watches me over the rim of her glass with that insight that, over the past few days, has put me between a rock and a hard place.

“Bárbara, sweetie… you can’t fool me. You look just like someone waiting for a surprise tax audit,” she replies, and her affectionate tone makes me feel even more exposed.

I let out a brief, nervous laugh, trying to cover it up.

“You’re so dramatic…”

“No. I’m observant,” she replies, and leaning in a little closer to me, she adds in a lower voice, “Does it have to do with Lidia?”

My heart skips a beat so suddenly that for a second I fear it will show on my face. Miriam has always been smart. Much smarter than she appears with that sweetness that lights up any room she walks into.

I lower my gaze to the table and my fingers fidget with the linen napkin, folding and unfolding it without realizing it.

“Everything that has to do with me lately… has to do with Lidia,” I confess in a low voice.

She smiles slowly, moved, as if she’d been waiting a long time for me to admit something like that.

“Maybe that’s just what you both needed,” she says, catching my attention. “For there to be no boundaries between you.”

I look up and lock eyes with her.

“I wish it were that simple, Miriam. I wish I could believe it.”

Miriam opens her mouth to reply, but just then the murmur of the restaurant changes. I don’t know if it’s because the sea breeze is moving the fabrics that are part of the decor or because my body recognizes her before my eyes find her.

Lidia is standing at the entrance, beneath the arch of flowers and lights. When my eyes meet hers, the whole world blurs around her. She’s wearing a summery strapless dress in a turquoise blue that seems to have been stolen from the color of this island’s water. The fabric falls softly over her body, caressing her waist and hips with a natural elegance that takes my breath away. Her hair is down, wavy from the humidity, and small earrings sparkle when she turns her head gracefully.

But that’s not what paralyzes me. Not the dress, nor the shine on her lips. Nor the olive hue her skin has taken on over the past few days. It’s her gaze and the way she smiles at me when she realizes I can’t stop looking at her.

“God. That smile…”

“Oh my God,” Miriam murmurs beside me, almost breathless. “Okay. Confirmed. You two are head over heels for each other.”

I can’t even answer her. Because Lidia is walking toward me, and with every step she takes, the sound of my heartbeat rises to a higher pitch.

When she reaches the table, Pablo immediately stands up to hug her with that fatherly affection he’s never hidden.

“You look beautiful, sweetheart,” he exclaims, visibly proud.

“Dad, you’re going to make me believe it.” She laughs, and her voice pierces my skin until it settles in my heart.

Pablo kisses her forehead, Miriam takes her hand to tell her how beautiful she is, and while they surround her with family affection, I stand still. Watching her. Trying to etch this moment into my memory as if I knew it might be the last one where everything seems perfect.

I don’t know how many minutes pass until Lidia turns toward me and her smile softens, becoming more intimate. She draws closer to me, caresses my arm with the back of her hand, and whispers in my ear:

“Are you going to just stand there without saying a word?”

I force myself to take a deep breath and savor her scent. I stand up, and when I’m facing her, the rest of the world ceases to matter. I tune out the noise, the island, the world.

“I can’t promise you anything,” I say softly, almost whispering. “Seeing you like this should be forbidden, Lidia.”

She lets out a little laugh, the kind that has always made me feel like the world is a less hostile and more livable place.

“You’re such a drama queen, Barbara,” she replies in that playful tone I’ve missed so much.

“No. I’ve underestimated it,” I reply, and I lean in a little closer, just enough so that only she can hear me. “I really have underestimated it.”

Her cheeks flush with a faint blush. And that—seeing her blush for me—breaks me inside. Because I love her. Because I’ve never stopped. Because I’ve been a coward, and yet, here she is. Right in front of me. Giving me another chance without knowing the truth I still hold inside.