Page 59 of We Shouldn’t Do This Again

“I’m responsible for a lot of things…” I reply, lowering my gaze briefly before looking back at her. “But this time… all I want is to make her smile like that for the rest of her life. I want that sparkle in her eyes to never fade. I want to be the reason her days feel lighter, the reason her nights feel like this—full of happiness.”

Miriam says nothing for a while. She just watches Pablo and Lidia dance together and soak in that magical, love-filled moment.

“I’d forgotten what this feels like,” I continue. “Feeling truly connected to someone, missing them even while you’re asleep and dreaming about them, not wanting to be apart from them because…” I swallow hard as a lump forms in my throat, “…because you don’t know how to live without them anymore, because the thought of losing them hurts more than anything else.”

The weight of my own words crashes down on me, and for a moment I can barely breathe.

“And Lidia…” I begin, but I can’t finish the sentence.

Miriam gives me a knowing half-smile.

“Lidia has you completely in love, doesn’t she?”

“It’s that obvious?” I ask, almost shyly.

“Obvious?” she repeats, raising her eyebrows. “Sweetie, it’s painfully obvious. You can see it in the way you look at each other, in how you constantly seek each other out. It’s beautiful, honestly. And I’m glad to know Pablo wasn’t entirely wrong when he brought you two together.”

I look back toward the dance floor. Lidia spins around laughing loudly while Pablo clumsily tries to keep up with her. In that moment I feel pure happiness, the kind that warms you from the inside out. But I also feel fear—a subtle fear tightening around my ribs as I realize this isn’t right, that it isn’t fair to anyone, and that it definitely isn’t easy for me either.

Ingrid slips back into my thoughts, and I remember that strange feeling from when we talked shortly after I arrived on the island. That jealousy she never fully voiced, but that still left a knot in my stomach and heaviness in my chest. I told her she had nothing to worry about, and I don’t even know how I’ve managed to do all of this without feeling like an absolute monster.

“Are you okay?” Miriam asks, noticing the subtle change in my expression.

I nod quickly, forcing a smile.

“Yeah… I was just thinking about a few things, that’s all.”

“Careful with that,” she teases affectionately. “Thinking too much usually complicates everything, you know.”

I let out a quiet laugh that sounds a little forced.

“Oh, trust me, I know.”

“Then stop doing it. Enjoy the moment. Fate will figure out the rest.”

“I wish it were that easy,” I think. “Just leave my life in fate’s hands and wait for it to fix everything.”

Lidia and Pablo return to the table shortly after. Her cheeks are flushed from dancing and laughing, her eyes shining like stars reflected on the sea, and that smile that feels like it belongs only to me.

“So? Did you survive dancing with your father?” I ask.

“Barely,” she replies, dropping back into her chair. “I swear he’s trying to wear me out before the wedding.”

“It was either that or making you suffer through dancing with me at the wedding itself.”

The conversation continues among the four of us, warm and easy, as though nothing else exists beyond this table, as though the sea, the lights, and the music have created a refuge just for us. But inside me, two forces pull in opposite directions. The immense love I feel for Lidia, the kind that fills my chest and makes me want to protect her from everything, and the guilt still tying me to Ingrid. I know I can’t ignore it forever, that this bubble can’t survive indefinitely without something eventually breaking.

But then Lidia looks at me, and everything else fades away. The guilt blurs, the fear retreats, and the painful truth slips into the background. I hate myself a little for that, for choosing this refuge, for still being unable to face what I need to resolve. But apparently I don’t hate myself enough to walk away from her. Not enough to destroy what we have now.

This is where I want to be. Even if it means everything else is about to fall apart. Even if I know that sooner or later I’ll have to pay the price for this stolen happiness.

CHAPTER 30

MAY LOVE BEGIN AND END WITH YOU

Barbara

It’s been an hour since we left Miriam and Pablo at the restaurant, with the warm lights of the place still glowing in the distance and their cheerful voices fading little by little behind us. The laughter, the cocktails, and that easy conversation that seemed endless have slowly dissolved as Lidia and I walk barefoot across the fine white sand, our shoes dangling from our fingers while the constant murmur of the sea follows us.