Page 47 of We Shouldn’t Do This Again

Miriam and Pablo fall behind, and in the end, we’re alone again. Once more. I don’t know if it’s coincidence or if fate insists on putting us in each other’s path, but I stopped believing in coincidences a long time ago. My steps quicken slightly until I’m walking beside her. My heart pounds hard against my ribs, and then I do it:

“Lidia.”

She turns her head toward me, her hair still damp and falling over her shoulders.

“What?” she replies in a neutral, distant tone that irritates and upsets me equally.

“Are we really going to keep pretending nothing happened?”

She frowns slightly, and that familiar crease appears between her eyebrows.

“It’s the only reasonable solution we have,” she replies, gesturing toward her father. “He invited us to his wedding. It would be cruel to ruin it now just because we can’t control ourselves.”

I look at her in disbelief, frustration rising in my chest.

“You know there’s another solution,” I retort, fully aware that I’m digging my own grave. “And it’s not that complicated.”

“Are you even listening to yourself?” that little voice inside me screams.

“No, Barbara. And we’ve already talked about this.”

“No.” I shake my head, the words tumbling out too quickly. “We talked about it, yes, but it’s easier to dodge the issue and say it can’t happen than to face what we really feel.”

Lidia stops abruptly in the middle of the path. I stop too, and the air between us seems to freeze, thick and heavy.

“What exactly do you want me to say?” she asks, crossing her arms defensively. “That everything has been wonderful and we should do it every night? That I miss you so much I’m dying to fuck you again? Because that’s not going to happen again, Barbara. It can’t happen.”

And yes, I know it can’t happen, but something inside me snaps at the exact same moment a rage so intense rises inside me that I can’t control it.

“Sure,” I reply with a smile that looks more like a grimace. “That makes perfect sense.”

“What are you talking about?” she asks, narrowing her eyes.

I take a step toward her, closing the distance between us a little more.

“That there has to be a reason why you don’t want to try again and are so desperate to slam the door shut.”

“Like you did, remember?”

Her eyes lock onto mine with an intensity that burns me.

“Don’t start with that.”

“No, let me finish,” I insist, feeling jealousy push me to say things I probably shouldn’t. “You don’t want to because you already have someone else, don’t you? Someone who makes you feel safe.”

Her expression changes instantly. She visibly tenses, her shoulders stiffening.

“Excuse me?”

“And let me guess…” I continue, ignoring the voice inside me begging me to stop before it’s too late. “Alex?”

The silence that follows is brutal. Thick. Sharp as a blade.

“Don’t drag her into this,” she finally says, with a calmness more dangerous than any scream.

“Why?” I shoot back, unable to stop myself. “Because it’s true?”

“Because it’s none of your business, Barbara.”