Page 25 of We Shouldn’t Do This Again

Barbara

Seeing Pablo again has kept breakfast from being as disastrous as it started out. Now, the sunlight filters slowly through the palm trees, bathing the tables in golden light. He’s sitting across from me, talking excitedly about everything that’s happened in his life these past few years; listening to him talk about Miriam, about how they met, about how they fell in love, has made it impossible for me to stop thinking about Lidia. Although, to be honest, I’ve never stopped thinking about her.

I’ve barely touched the toast I served myself, or the juice. I’ve focused on the coffee, on the warmth radiating from the cup and the conversation with Pablo, so as not to dwell on the whirlwind of emotions churning inside me. Until a few days ago, I felt secure; my job was fantastic, my relationship with Ingrid wonderful, and my routines, solid. Now, well… now I’m back at that point in my life where I question every step I take for fear of screwing it up.

“I’m telling you, this island is just as good as any other,” Pablo says with conviction. “It’s peaceful, beautiful… and the perfect place to disconnect from everything. I’m sure these few weeks of rest will do you good. Soccer can be exhausting.”

I nod slowly and force a smile that barely touches my lips, let alone my eyes.

“Unwind. If only it were as simple as saying the word,” I think.

“And on top of that,” he continues, leaning in toward me a little with that knowing look he’s always had, “we’ve got a great plan for today.”

I look up, genuinely intrigued.

“A great plan?”

“A boat trip,” he explains, and his eyes sparkle as if he’s about to share the best-kept secret; I, on the other hand, turn pale. “Miriam organized it. We’re going snorkeling, to see the reefs up close… that kind of thing that makes you feel like you’re in a National Geographic documentary.”

I can’t help but let out a laugh.

“It sounds great, actually.”

And the truth is, I’m really looking forward to it, even though the sea and I don’t get along.

For a fleeting moment, I let myself imagine it: the crystal-clear water enveloping me, the absolute silence beneath the surface, that perfect moment when the rest of the world simply fades away and it’s just you and everything hidden inside you.

But then Pablo adds:

“It’s perfect. That way you’ll finally meet Miriam, and the four of us can spend the day together, just like we should.”

“The four of us?” The question slips out of my mouth as fast as I think it.

“Of course. I mentioned it to Lidia before coming to see you,” he replies, and I feel my stomach twist. “It’ll be fantastic, you’ll see.”

My smile freezes.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” I reply very carefully, looking down at the coffee that has already gone cold. “You three should just go. I don’t want to be a burden…”

“But what do you mean, a burden? Nonsense, Barbara!” he interrupts me with a firmness that catches me off guard. “I’m not going to let you spend weeks cooped up here. No matter what my daughter says.”

“It’s just that…”

Pablo sighs.

“Look, I know things aren’t going the way I expected…” he admits, scratching the back of his neck with a weary expression. “But that doesn’t mean you have to avoid each other all day long. Sometimes…” he hesitates, searching for the right words, “sometimes all it takes is a little nudge for the pieces to start falling into place again.”

I stare at him. I’m aware of how painful it was for Pablo to learn that Lidia and I were going to split up. That for months he was there, with us, helping us find a solution to something that had none. And I know my invitation was the perfect excuse to force the two of us together. But he has no idea about my life outside this paradise, nor about the tension between her and me.

“I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable because of me. You know how she is when she’s forced into things.”

“Lidia is strong,” he replies gently. “Besides, you’re two grown women who can get along just fine without hurting each other.”

“I wish that were true.” I lower my gaze for a moment and weigh my options as if I actually had many. But I don’t. I’ve never had any when it comes to her.

“Okay,” I finally give in. “I’ll go. But if Lidia doesn’t agree, or if she’s uncomfortable, the three of you can go, and I’ll do something else.”

Pablo’s smile returns with full intensity, lighting up his entire face.