Page 99 of The Bargain

I push all of my own despair and sadness and grief back, shove it into a grave deep in the black dirt of my mind, a grave that’s already full of Elias and his name and his voice and his skin and his eyes.

“What is it?” I pull Ophelia down by her hand to sit next to me, smooth the dark hair back from her face, which is flushed and moist with sweat. “Are you alright? You don’t look well. I think you might be running a fever.”

“No, I’m not, I’m fine—well maybe I am, but it doesn’t matter, Dess!” She looks up at me, straining, desperate. “The police are here!”

My heart tightens. So the Inquisitor was right. They’ve finally come to make an arrest. But if Elias got rid of the phone, then there’s no evidence to lead back to him, and whatever they’ve confiscated, it shouldn’t lead them to him. The only other piece of evidence apart from the phone was the ring—and I have the ring.

“It’s alright,” I tell Ophelia, even though my own body is awash with terror. “You’re going to be okay, you⁠—”

“I’m not worried about me!” Ophelia hisses. She looks away from me, then guiltily back. “It’s Elias I’m worried about.”

The last person I want to hear uttering his name right now is her, and my stomach churns with sudden nausea. I’m slammed through with a wave of emotion so powerful I snatch my hands from her like she’s burnt me.

For a moment, I feel nothing except absolute anger.

Anger that she’s kept her distance for so long. That she never told me about Birnam, that all of this could’ve been avoided if only she’d let me. That she’s everyone’s favourite in the family, that she’s this precious jewel we all cherish and yet keeps acting like she’s an unwanted burden.

Anger that she went to Elias for help, and not me. Anger because I wanted her to trust me, and, pettily, humiliatingly, anger that she went to Elias when he’s mine. And that he chose her over me, after everything.

Anger because I can’t help but feel as if it’s partly Ophelia’s fault that we broke up.

Anger at myself, most of all, for feeling this way, despite knowing that Ophelia didn’t mean any of it, that she’s just young and vulnerable and scared, and that I should be better than this.

“Elias is going to be fine,” I say finally, and I’m shocked by how cold my own voice sounds. “He’s got nothing to do with any of this.”

Except for me asking him to take the fall for it. Except for the phone, which he claims he no longer has.

Unless he’s lying.

“Look, there’s no need to worry, alright?” I say, turning away. “You should be in class right now, and⁠—”

“No, you don’t understand!” Ophelia wrenches at the sleeves of her jumper so hard a thick black woollen thread tears free. Looking down at it, I notice how deep she’s bitten her fingernails, blood at the corners. How pale she looks, like her heart isn’t pumping enough blood through her body. How red and swollen her eyes are. “They’re going to arrest him, Dess, and it’s all my fault.”

I stare at her in shocked silence, and she finally looks back up at me. Shame and guilt squirm in her dark eyes like worms writhing in pits.

“Dess, I did something stupid, something I regret. I can’t—I wanted so badly to solve this problem on my own, so you wouldn’t, so we’d—” She interrupts herself, glances away like she can’t quite withstand my gaze. “I asked him for help with something, with—” Her lower lip trembles. She stops to bite it hard.

“Ophelia,” I say finally, with a calm I don’t feel. “What happened?”

“You’re going to hate me,” she whispers, hanging her head.

I tilt her face up back to me. Tears fall from her eyelashes, tracing twin paths down her cheeks.

“I could never hate you,” I tell her. The truth makes my voice ring clear. “Not in a thousand years. Not if you stabbed me in the chest or stole the thing I love the most from me. Even then I wouldn’t hate you. I could be angry at you, I could be afraid of you, but I could never, ever hate you.”

I catch my breath, my lungs feeling suddenly drained and tight, like they’re filled with emotions instead of air and I might suffocate.

“Don’t you get it, Fee?” I say, looking into her eyes. “I don’t hate you—I love you. I love you so much it hurts. I love you with all my heart and soul. You’re the most precious thing in my life, in William’s and Austen’s lives, in Mum’s and Dad’s. We’d do anything for you, anything at all, if it meant keeping you safe and happy. It wouldn’t matter if you messed up. I don’t even think it would matter if you did something wrong. I’d do anything for you, I’d give up anything for you. So whatever you’ve done, it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is you.”

Ophelia’s eyes are wide and tears are now pouring freely down her cheeks.

“What about Elias?” she whispers. “I know you love him too.”

I flinch, almost pulling away once more, but this time it’s Ophelia who pulls me back to her.

“I… I did something unbelievably selfish, Dess. I’ve been so ashamed to tell you.” She shakes her head, tears flying from her cheeks and splashing my hands. “He’s going to be arrested, and it’s all my fault. I know I shouldn’t have, but I asked him to do something for me, something to do with Birnam. I begged him not to tell you. And now he’s going to be arrested, and go to jail, and it’s all my fault.”

My heart is beating so fast it almost hurts my ribs. I swallow hard, feeling shaken with panic and dread and shock. I breathe in deep, composing myself.