Page 106 of The Bargain

He nods.

“Fine, then let me talk to my father, at least. He⁠—”

“No.” I hold up a hand. They all look at me. “I’m going to fix this. Trust me.”

I meet Dimitri’s dark eyes, Blaise’s clever gaze, Benjamin’s narrowed grey eyes. Yuna’s and Jamie’s searching frowns, the twins’ worried stares. Inside my chest, my heart feels full for the first time this year—maybe even for the first time since I started at Spearcrest. It’s the exact same sensation that I feel every time I spend Christmas at Blackwood Manor.

Like I’m completely, totally safe. Like everything’s going to be okay.

Even though I know exactly what I’m about to do.

41

Head Girl

Desdemona

Five days after Elias is gone—on the last official day of school, I stand alone at the lectern for the final head girl’s address.

It’s a gorgeous morning, ironically. Spring is finally here, bright sunlight pouring in through the tall, narrow windows, chasing away all the darkness that’s been gathering like cobwebs in every nook and cranny of Spearcrest. The campus feels green, expansive, light-filled, perfumed with fresh grass and dew and baby leaves.

I’m still in my winter uniform, with the long-sleeved shirt and my blazer, impeccable as usual, badges lining my lapel. My shoulders feel loose and relaxed. I’m ready.

Behind me, Mr North and the vice principals sit in the old wooden chairs. Ahead of me, our entire year: students and teachers and tutors—everyone who witnessed Elias being dragged away for a crime he didn’t commit, all because he wanted to be accepted by the people sitting right now in front of me.

I set down the five printed pages. I scripted my final address back in September, back when I had my entire year planned out, my future laid out like tomorrow’s outfit on the foot of my bed.

Now, I don’t even glance at it.

I don’t need to.

“As your head girl, it has been an honour and a privilege to serve you all and our school. Spearcrest Academy is more than an academic institution. For me, like many of you, it’s part of a legacy: my parents came here, and I’ve done everything I could do to uphold their reputation, and the school’s. To work hard and demonstrate, in everything I’ve tried to do and say, the values of our school: bravery, honesty, perseverance.

“Audentes Fortuna Iuvat. We’re so used to seeing those words, by now, that I think it can be easy for us to forget what they mean. Fortune favours the brave. For so long, I thought that meant that luck favours those who are willing to take risks, but that’s not true at all, is it? We live in a world where luck is already on our side—what need do we have for bravery, then? When we can break rules without consequence? When we can have whatever we want without even needing to work for it? Luck, for so many of us, isn’t something we earn by being brave—it’s something we were born with, an infinite stock we draw endlessly from.”

I watch everyone in front of me shift uncomfortably, some more than others. Dimitri is glancing across the aisle to where his fiancée, Natalya Valenkova, is sitting, still as a statue of glass, her eyes fixed on me. I see Yuna, hair tucked into silver pins, sneak a glance at Jamie Vale, who came to Spearcrest on a rugby scholarship.

“How many of us have been handed things without ever questioning whether we deserved them or not? How many of us have ever needed, for even one moment, to be brave? And I mean actually brave: forced to put something on the line we might actually lose? To take a risk without knowing whether it would actually pay off? To do something we were actually afraid of doing, knowing we might actually get hurt?”

I pause, sweep the crowd with a glance, letting my words sink in. The teachers are frowning now—I can tell this isn’t where they thought I was going to go. I look past them, at all these beautiful, upturned faces, all these privileged people.

“It’s not bravery if we’re not going to face consequences, is it?” I say, smiling coldly. “It’s not brave to hurt other people, to blackmail someone, to force them to do something they don’t want to do. It’s not brave to publish gossip from an anonymous account and call it the truth. It’s not brave to ask favours of someone who can’t say no because they, unlike us, have actually got something to lose.”

I catch my breath. An awe-inspiring calm settles over me. I feel as if my body is a fortress of crystal, entirely see-through, but somehow impossibly strong, like a bullet would shatter against the glittering façades of me.

I feel stronger than I’ve felt in a long time.

“Fortune favours no one—the words we’ve been hearing for years from the so-called Inquisitor. But that’s not true either. Fortune favours the fortunate—that’s the truth. A self-feeding, self-cannibalising loop. That’s how the rich stay rich, the powerful stay in power. That’s how people like Birnam Hastings get away with the things they’ve done, right?”

A hand lands on my elbow. I turn my head to glance at Mr North, who’s frowning at me with a concerned expression. He looks just like his son, Gabriel, who’s watching us from the back of the auditorium, his angelic face cracked by an odd, amused smile.

“Don’t worry, Mr North, I’m almost done,” I tell him, speaking into the mic still. “I’ve got one more thing left to say.” I turn back to the assembled audience. “The year’s come to an end—and thank fuck for that.”

There’s a mixture of gasps and laughter. The teachers look shocked, like they didn’t even think such a word could come out of my mouth.

Well, they better buckle in.

“In the spirit of honesty, integrity and honour, I would like to crown this year, as your head girl, with a confession.”