Page 270 of Vexatious Queen

“We can’t have you catching a cold. Then you’d get me and the guys sick, and we would be miserable and annoying. It would become a whole thing.”

Popping my head through the top of the hoodie, I stared at Nash like he’d lost his mind. He had, but I just went with it.

“Okay, all set to remain perfectly healthy,” I said as he handed me back my stuff and opened the door.

It was a cool spring morning, still dark and quiet with moisture clinging to every available surface. The last little patches of winter still lingered in the shadows like they were begging not to be melted. It made me think of Frosty the Snowman.

I sipped my coffee and moaned. The warmth filled me and felt like a hug from the inside.

“I thought a lot about what you said to me the other day,” Nash said, our feet landing in time despite the stride difference. “I’ll be honest, I’m not sure where to draw the line.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m used to handling my own shit, making decisions for everyone, and if my guys don’t like it, too fucking bad. My role was very clear in my mind. Protect my guys, kill my father, and I did not care who I hurt while I maintained those two goals. Then you came along, and things started to change,” Nash said.

I appreciated the honesty and linked our fingers this time. He tightened his grip on my hand.

“Now…the lines are blurry. I could see how much you cared for Sabastian. But I could also see what you missed because of how much you cared. He was on the edge of doing something that could’ve gotten those I loved hurt or killed. So, I defaulted to factory settings. Act, and damn the consequences.”

“I get that,” I said.

“You do?”

I nodded.

“Do I want to see Sabastian sitting in prison for the next however many years? No, definitely not. But I get that something needed to be done. What I really hate is that you all keep promising me that there will be no more secrets, but then you go and do something like this. Again. How am I supposed to trust what you tell me when I don’t know if you’ll ever stick to it? And Nash, it bleeds into everything,” I said, stopping to look at him before we walked into the sports complex.

“What do you mean,” he asked.

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course.”

“Okay, would you still trust me if you found me having secret meetings with guys in hallways and lying to you about it?”

His face immediately darkened.

“This is different.”

“Is it? Nash, if you can lie to me and talk the guys into lying to me about throwing someone I care about deeply into prison, how can I trust anything else you say to me? That you love me. That you want only me. That you won’t do it again, you name it. From personal to professional areas of our lives, it all becomes tainted.”

“But what would have happened if you said no?” He crossed his arms. “I had to do something. If you refused, then I’ve asked you and then had to go behind your back anyway to keep you safe.”

“How do you know that I wouldn’t have helped you come up with a different plan that would’ve been as effective and less destructive? Have you even considered how angry he will be when he gets out? No, you didn’t because you were too happy to rub how you won in his face. Ten years from now, we could have children. Sabastian is out and plans to get even. Now our children’s lives are at risk, not just ours. I mean…long-term, it feels like you created a bigger problem. We needed to make him an ally, not turn him against us forever.”

Nash ran a hand through his hair. I placed my hand over his heart, and he looked down at me. I could see the love and reasons for his actions burning in his eyes, but they were now mingled with uncertainty.

“What you keep forgetting is that we are a team. You, me, Liam, Myles, Blake, and Theo are a unit, like a hive mind. We are smarter together and unstoppable when we work as one. But you chose to cut off a limb to save the body, when all you needed was a bandage.”

“Fuck,” he swore under his breath. “I’m going to fuck up again. You know that, right?”

“I do, but I’m hoping you won’t. I’m part of your life, and maybe that’s not how normal relationships in this world work, but it is how I work. I’m not a side piece or arm candy. I’m not a fragile doll who doesn’t want to know all the gory details. I want to know. I want to be part of decisions. And if you treat me like you don’t trust me, my opinion, or that I won’t have your back. If you don’t respect my judgment…then our relationship will implode.”

“I never meant it that way. I just…shit…I’m sorry.”

I sucked in a deep breath.

“Be honest with me, Nash. Did you do this to protect me or because you never liked Sabastian?”