Page 265 of Vexatious Queen

“Are you talking about what you set up with Sabastian?”

I slowly lowered my mug.

“Maybe. Are you going to tell me what I did was wrong?”

Yuliana’s gaze felt heavy as I waited for her to respond.

“No, I understand why you did what you did. Considering my course of action, I don’t think I’m in any position to judge. But I also don’t think you’re being a hundred percent truthful as to your reasons why,” she said, and I crossed my arms. “Nash…I may not have been here, but I didn’t need to be to see that the animosity between you and Sabastian went far deeper than your fear for Ren’s safety.”

I looked away, not wanting to admit that she was right. Part of me wanted to see him suffer, and it had nothing to do with anything it should.

“You are jealous of him, aren’t you?”

I didn’t say anything.

“Why?”

That was the question I couldn’t answer.

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do,” Yuliana said, and I shifted in my seat, still feeling her eyes on my face. “If you don’t want to tell me, that is fine, but at least be honest with yourself.”

I finally looked back at her.

“What does it matter? My reason for locking him up was valid. You must have seen the look he gave you and Ren at the school. He was livid with Ren, and there was no telling what he might do. He wanted you dead, it was clear. I couldn’t allow what happened to Ella to repeat. Ren is hurt that you pretended to be dead, but if you actually died and I could’ve stopped it…” I shook my head. “No, I couldn’t take the chance. I’d do it again every time.”

“As I said, I understand.”

“And you’re not angry? I mean, he was sort of like a son to you, wasn’t he?”

She paused and took a deep breath before answering.

“This is going to be hard to understand, but please don’t judge me. No, to me, Sabastian was a cute child that I saw a few times a month at the most. Alina never wanted him to get too close to me and Ren. I think she feared that as he got older, he would want to spend more time with me and call me Mom. She was unstable. I can’t even imagine what she would’ve done if he ever said those words to me.”

Yuliana sighed, folding her hands on the table.

“I didn’t trust Alina or Christov around Ren, so I kept us locked in our adjoining rooms most of the time. We only left to visit my mother or go out as a group for pretense’s sake. A few times we went to the park, but that was rare. My point is that I was solely focused on protecting my daughter and finding the best opportunity to leave. I never wished any harm on Sabastian, he was a child and certainly shouldn’t be punished for who his parents were, but I never saw him as a son. It’s why I never considered taking him. My hope initially was to escape and run to Eddie. Taking Christov’s only male heir with me, would’ve caused a massive war. I hadn’t planned on shooting Christov, that happened out of necessity.”

“But he talks like you were his mother,” I said.

“If you are told something enough, especially at a young age, by the people you trust, why would you not believe it? Ren says that Christov told him he was my son, up until she confronted him with the truth. It seems he maintained that lie better than anyone. Maybe part of him wanted to believe it, even though he didn’t love me.”

“I don’t understand. Why would he want to pretend?”

Yuliana looked out into the darkness, and I wondered if she was picturing that time of her life.

“I can only guess, but it would make his life easier. Christov is as complicated as your father was. Not as deranged, although the line is thin. I had a family name he could lean on for money, power, and favors. Alina did not. It served no purpose to announce to the world that he had a bastard son with a woman who gave him nothing. Aside from her undying obsession, of course.”

“So, you didn’t care what happened to Sabastian?”

“He wasn’t my son. But he was an innocent child who deserved better,” she continued. “Christov told him he was mine. Over and over. Lies become truth when they’re all a child has.” Her voice softened. “I planned my escape when Sabastian wouldn’t be home. I did plan to kill Alina, but didn’t know he’d find her like that.” Pain flickered across her face. “I would never willingly scar a child. I know that I came close the other day, but…I was a different person back then. Kinder maybe. I’m still trying to figure that out.”

Yuliana finished her water and stood.

“But hear me, Nash.” Her voice was steady, though tired. “You have already proven your point to him. You won, so if even a fraction of what you did was driven by something other than protection—by pride, jealousy, or vengeance—then find a way to help Sabastian. Not for him. For you.”

“How does helping him get out early help me?”