Page 225 of Vexatious Queen

Mylo snorted. I rolled my eyes and kept pacing.

“I thought this would unfold differently,” I admitted. “I knew there would be anger. I accounted for that. But once I set everything in motion, once I pulled the trigger on the lie…I couldn’t stop. So many times, I thought about turning back, but it was like trying to catch a boulder racing downhill. I couldn’t stop it, even on the days I wanted to.”

I sank onto the piano bench and leaned forward, elbows on my knees.

“Now, I don’t know what comes next. What do you think?”

Vlad tilted his head.

“Do you actually want my opinion again?”

“Vlad.”

He sighed. “Fine. You need to give them time. But you also can’t disappear again. You didn’t want to overwhelm Ren earlier, and you were scared. I get that, but you came across⁠—”

“Cold as fuck,” Mylo supplied.

“I know,” I said, my voice cracking despite my best efforts. “All I wanted to do was hold her. To tell her how much I missed her.”

“Then why didn’t you,” Vlad asked, and I shook my head slowly.

“Because somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be both a leader and a mother.”

The truth burned on the way out.

“Before Lawrence, I knew how to protect without becoming what I despised. After the chemo, and then him—everything warped. The private clinic. The stitches. The rape kit. The months of blood tests looking for diseases.”

I covered my mouth and swallowed the bile, taking a moment before continuing.

“I could handle him hurting me, but when he made me watch as he beat Neil nearly to death…when he threatened to do to Ren what he did to me…I knew I had to act. I could barely breathe properly, my heart hurt constantly, but it was my mind that was tortured. I saw him everywhere, even when no one was around.”

My hands clenched.

“Survival replaced softness. Plotting my vengeance became the only place I could exist without wanting to crawl out of my skin. And when the plan moved forward, I no longer knew where the light ended, and the darkness began.”

Vlad looked away. He had seen the attack. I wish he hadn’t, but it was his job to watch over us. I’d signaled him not to intervene and help me. He would’ve died and I had no idea what Lawrence would do if he thought I had allies.

“Then that is what you need to tell her. You need to figure out how to let her in again, Yuli, or she will never trust you,” Vlad said with a hint of sadness.

Restless energy pulsed through my veins, and I started pacing again.

“That is so much easier said than done. There are three versions of me fighting for control. The woman I was. The woman I became. And the woman I want to be now.”

I stopped and faced them.

“But the look in Ren’s eyes—tell me the truth. Did I make the right choice?”

They exchanged a glance before Vlad stepped forward.

“No one can say what would have happened if you’d gone to Edmundo,” he said, carefully. “Excluding him avoided a war that would have cost hundreds of lives.”

“But was it worth breaking my daughter’s heart?” I demanded. “Her trust?”

“That, only time will answer. What I can say is this. Christov stayed hidden until you forced his hand. You gained control that your father never had. You changed the board.” Vlad met my gaze. “Every victory costs something. The question isn’t whether there was a loss. It’s whether you can live with it.”

“So, what you are saying is, I can only hope the losses don’t outweigh the wins.” I exhaled. “Can you give me a few moments? I just need to be alone.”

They left without protest.