Page 35 of Protective Phlox

Son of a bitch. I hated that man. Just when I thought there was no possible way I could hate him any more than I already did, he pushed the bar higher. Why? That was the question. What the fuck did I do to him other than be born? He never put Ronan, Titus, or Kaylani down, and he never questioned them if they offered advice. He never mocked them or ridiculed their choices in business and relationships. He didn’t even like my car. But he wouldn’t come between me, Savannah, and Cutter.

Grabbing the swinging bag, I leaned into it, panting hard. The fear in Cutter’s eyes had brought up too many memories that were clogging my throat and choking me just like a hand squeezing the life out of me.

“Look what Dad got me,” Titus yelled as he came running into the house. I looked up from the homework I was doing and jumped up at the sight of the grey puppy in his arms.

“That’s so cool. Can I hold it?”

“Her name is Mandy,” Titus said, handing over the soft puppy that immediately licked my chin.

“Mandy? But that’s a girly name,” I said, and Titus smacked the back of my head.

“Because she’s a girl, you idiot. Do you want me to call her Tony?”

“Whatever. Do you think Dad will let me get one, too?”

“No.” I jumped at the sound of my dad’s angry tone and turned around to face him.

“But Dad, why does Titus get a puppy,” I asked, sulking on the inside that once more I was being left out of all the cool stuff.

“Because you’re useless and would forget to feed it,” he said, walking over to the couch and sitting down.

“No, I wouldn’t, I promise. I’ll do whatever you want. Please, can I get a puppy?”

“I said no!” My lower lip trembled as he bellowed at me, and I hugged Mandy tighter to my chest. “You want to do something, then go back and not be born. Now give your brother back his reward.”

“Dad, that was mean,” Titus said, taking Mandy from my arms.

“Stay out of it, Titus. Your brother never knows when to quit.” I turned to run out of the room, but he yelled my name, and I skidded to a halt. “Take your shit with you, it’s not like studying is going to help you anyway, get it out of here.” Tears stung my eyes as I raced back to the table, gathered my schoolbooks, and ran out of the room. He never wanted me to be born?

Slamming my door closed, I dropped my bag on the floor and walked to the large window, looking down on the grounds crew. I wanted to be free, to run away, to get away from my father forever. Why did he have me if he never wanted me? I wasn’t the one who made me. It’s not like I had a choice.

I whipped around, my heart pounding at the sound of the door opening. Titus poked his head inside. “Can I come in?” I shrugged. He stepped in and closed the door, then set Mandy down on the floor. “I’m sorry.”

Mandy trotted over to me and wagged her tail as she sniffed my feet. Sitting down, the puppy crawled in my lap, and I could feel myself wanting to cry, but I sucked it up. The last thing I needed was Titus telling Dad that I bawled my eyes out like a baby.

“He doesn’t mean it, Nate,” Titus said, sitting down across from me.

“Yeah, he does. He hates me. He’s always hated me, but I don’t care. I’ll get myself a puppy with my money. Screw him. I hate him.”

“That’s not a good idea, Nate,” Titus said, rubbing the head of his new puppy.

“Don’t take his side,” I said, my body filling with anger.

“I’m not. I think he should’ve let you get one, but I don’t think getting one behind his back is a good idea.”

“Whatever, I don’t need your help. Just don’t rat me out. He never comes over to this part of the house. It’ll be fine.”

Iknew why this memory haunted me. It was the first time I realized just how much my father detested me. I did get a puppy. I’d saved up my allowance and gone down to the shelter, where I found Jasper and snuck him home to my room. I’d kept him hidden while caring for him and didn’t tell anyone. When the house was quiet, I would take him out to play for hours in the backyard, but all of that came to a stop six months later when I was at school, and Jasper started barking at something.

“No, Dad. Please don’t take him,” I begged as I fought the guard who had a hold of me. “He’s mine. I bought him myself, and you didn’t even know he was here because I’ve been doing such a good job taking care of him. I wanted to prove that I could do it.”

“I don’t care where you got the money or what you wanted to do. I told you that you couldn’t have a dog, and you disobeyed a direct order,” my father said, picking Jasper up by the scruff of his neck.

“Stop it. You’re hurting him. He’s mine. Give him back,” I yelled and was blinded with tears as the back of his hand struck me. I bit my tongue and tasted blood.

“You watch your mouth. You don’t speak to me like that,” Father said, pointing a finger at me.

I blinked through the tears, my hands balling into fists as anger, instead of fear, filled me. “Why not? That’s the way you talk to me,” I snarled, and my head snapped to the side as his hand connected again.