Page 45 of Burn Me Down

“And that’s everything that has happened since the last time I saw you.”

My butt had gone numb long ago from sitting on the stone Derek had used to mark my grandma’s grave. He’d walked me out here but gave me my space, and I’d spent the last couple of hours laughing and crying as I caught her up on my life. Some would think I was ridiculous for talking to a grave, but I felt like she was watching over me, and if there was even a one percent chance that she could hear me, then I was taking it.

“It’s getting late. Did you want to go get dinner?”

I jerked at Derek’s deep voice, my stomach growling as it answered for me. “Yeah.” It felt like every bone cracked as I stood. Derek rubbed at my shoulders and neck. His hands felt so good on my aching muscles. “I feel oddly calm knowing I’m coming back here after.” I looked up at him, realizing I had assumed. “I am coming back here, right?”

“For as long as I can keep you.” He kissed my forehead, and I couldn’t fathom that this was the same man who had destroyed a huge portion of the city and killed so many that the reports stopped bothering to put a number.

“I need to call Vi. She’ll call in the army if she can’t find me, and I don’t check in with her.”

“I know the perfect spot where you can call her,” he said, wrapping his arm around me. As we walked away, I couldn’t help looking over my shoulder at the lemon trees.

The melancholy that had been sitting in my chest slowly lifted as we drove down the road.

I tested the center console and smiled as it lifted. Derek gave me a suspicious look as I slid closer and buckled the middle seatbelt. I laid my head on his shoulder and took his hand, smiling as he rubbed my leg.

“I never thought I’d have a moment like this,” Derek said. I looked up at him as he glanced at me. “A normal thing like going on a date didn’t seem to be in the cards for me.”

I smiled at him, hating to hear him say that. “I’m sure we will have more than one,” I said. “It will get old quick.”

“Never. It’s not just that I was locked up. I’ve never felt worthy of anyone, especially someone like you. I still don’t. For years, I was told I was a nothing, a nobody who would never be a man. I traded that for people who told me I could’ve made more of myself if I wasn’t such a freak and who tortured me at every turn.”

I squeezed his hand tighter. “That’s why you’re not allowed to say anything negative about yourself. Everything said to you was the biggest, steaming pile of dog shit that I’ve ever heard. You let me go, and I chose to stay.” I tapped my chest. “I chose, not because I was locked up, but because I want to be with you, remember that.”

Derek kissed my forehead. “I know a place that has great gator burgers.”

“Gator burgers? You didn’t strike me as a gator guy.”

“It was actually Dora who got me eating it. She brought some over one time after she shot it herself.”

“Are you kidding me?” I couldn’t picture the sweet woman I knew wielding a gun and hunting gator.

“No, not at all. It came onto the property.” Derek smiled, and I could see his admiration for my grandmother. It eased a little of the pain in my chest that she wasn’t alone the last few months of her life. I forced myself to choke down the tears that wanted to resurface, or I might never stop crying. I didn’t know if I could ever forgive my mother for cutting us off like that, but I was just as angry at myself for not trying to find her.

“Are you okay,” Derek asked.

“Yeah, I’m just really tired.”

“Close your eyes. I’ll wake you when we get there.” I did as he said and didn’t remember anything until Derek gently shook me and said my name.

“Are we here already? It felt like five minutes.”

“We’ve been driving for an hour,” Derek said as I stretched and looked around. My eyebrows shot up as I caught the name Foxy Rail on the glowing sign.

“We’re at a strip club?” I watched in horror as three guys hooted and hollered, coming out the front door. This was not where I thought our first date would be.

“Exotic dancer.”

“Say what?” My teeth ground together.

“That’s what they prefer to be called.”

“Is that so?”

“Um…yeah. I’m a regular, everyone knows me here, and the food is amazing.” I turned my glare on Derek, and his eyes grew wide.

“A regular, you say? How often makes you a regular,” I asked, my voice dropping with a steely tone.