Page 24 of Anywhere

“Fuck, stop that,” I growled and shot to my feet as the nervous energy heaved and thrashed within me like a storm picking up steam.

“Yeah, you don’t want to see him at all,” she said and rolled her eyes at me. “And you aren’t interested in getting under his kilt. Nope.”

“Your sarcasm is noted. I just wish I knew how much of this was fake and how much of it was real,” I said.

“Does it really matter?” She called out. “Most people spend their entire lives searching for a connection with another soul that is deep and passionate and all-consuming. All the things you’re complaining about right now are what everyone else prays will happen to them and the majority never find.”

Mari stepped out of the closet I’d spent an hour organizing just so it gave me something to do and threw a clean T-shirt at me. I caught it out of the air.

“Maybe think on this while you go shower. I’m a woman born in this family without red hair or a birthmark. I am nothing, no one. A person born without a cock, used as a weapon and tolerated by the family until I die or I’m killed off in battle. Does that sound pleasant to you? Do you think I never had dreams? That I didn’t think of my union day? I didn’t understand when I was little that I’d never have one. That I would die old and alone… My only hope is that someone notices my missing before my body starts to stink.”

Mari marched for the door but stopped on the threshold and looked back at me. “This Faction life is a broken one, Rook. It is broken and full of broken people who are all just doing the best they can. You have the chance to have it all. You can still sing and have real love and one day be the head of your family. As Wale Ayeni said, “Be thankful for what you have. Your life is someone else’s fairy tale.” Now go shower. I’m going to go grab you something to wear that Rhys won’t be able to resist.” With that, Mari disappeared out the door.

I never thought about what it was like for the women of the family. I knew the rules, but there were no women in my immediate family back home. We were all boys, and my mother died when I was young. I suddenly felt like an asshole for not thinking about this from their side. That was one aspect the Flitters got right. They didn’t have arranged connections or force unchosen women into slavery, turning them into assassins. My brothers and I nicknamed them the Butterflies. They were beautiful, and you never heard them coming.

My heart hurt for my cousin. There was agony in her voice, and if I could, I would take it away. I’d never been the warm-fuzzy type and was surprised by the emotion, which was par for the course lately.

I looked down at the T-shirt in my hands. Mari was right. This was futile. I wasn’t going to be able to rest, I was too anxious to play my guitar, and the longer I thought about Rhys with someone else, the more volatile my power felt. I marched into the washroom and hopped into the shower. What I was going to do when I found him…I had no idea.

Toweling off, I stopped to stare at the tattoos of my lyrics that lined the left side of my neck. It was the first song I wrote and recorded. The first song that made me feel anything besides bitter. My father was always so quick to judge me because I didn’t put more time into running the Faction, but why would I when it was the one thing I hated most?

I never saw my father unless it was at a ritual. He was always too busy to watch a little league game or help with homework. Where had he been when Devlin cried himself to sleep after our mother was killed? When Magnus graduated from school early and with top honors? When Wyatt struggled with his weight and self-image. He was nowhere. I was the one that helped my brothers grow up, so the moment they were old enough and I didn’t have to focus on them, I ran and did my own thing. Everything my father did was for the Faction at the expense of our family.

Mari said I could still sing, but I found that hard to believe. My fingers trailed over the lines of script, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d ever see a stage again. Would I ever feel like I belonged so far? This place didn’t feel like home, even with the magic and the longing.

A loud knock pulled me out of the depressing thoughts.

“Are you almost done?” Mari yelled.

Wrapping a towel around my waist, I opened the door and grabbed the T-shirt.

“Well, if you walk around like that in front of Rhys, he definitely won’t be able to resist you,” Mari said as I pulled the T-shirt on.

“So this is what it’s like when girls help a friend get ready for a date,” I said, smiling. That smile quickly disappeared when Mari didn’t return it, and I wanted to slap myself. “Shit, sorry…”

“Naw, it’s fine. I just wouldn’t know. I’ve never been on a date. Here, put this on, and no arguments,” she said and held out her hands.

I once more found myself putting my foot in it with my cousin but wasn’t sure what to say to make it better. My eyes dropped from hers to what she was holding.

“Thanks…Whoa…Nope. No, I’m not wearing a kilt,” I said.

I had to admit. It was cool. All black with thick leather buckles and a large pin that was a combination of a sword with the Adair family crest. It looked kinda badass rocker. Again, something I would never admit.

“I told you, no arguing. Do you want to fit in around here and make yourself irresistible? Then put the damn kilt on, and no boxers underneath,” she ordered like that was a normal request. “I’ll wait out in the hall for you.”

Rhys did look fucking sexy in this thing, and the thought of the quick access made my skin burn hot. I needed a fucking T-shirt that said, “Shit, I swore I’d never do but did.” The material was a lot heavier than I thought it would be, but it was oddly comfortable.

“What shoes?” I called out.

“Your shit kickers,” Mari answered.

I gave myself a once over in the mirror and hated to admit that I looked fucking badass. I could wear this on stage, and the fans would go crazy. Especially those in the front row as they clamoured to see if they could catch a peek underneath. That thought made my lip curl up.

“So where are we heading, anyway? You seem pretty sure you know where to find him,” I asked as I stepped out into the hall.

“That’s because I know where he is. Up Er Kilt Pub is where he always goes when he wants to unwind,” she said and smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“You really know him well.” I watched her face closely.