Page 39 of Unhinged Cain

I stepped toward her desk, my hands dropping to my sides.

“No, you will not. I’m not a child, and I’m not your prisoner, no matter how much you enjoy treating me like one. I’m leaving, and if you try to stop me, I’ll never come back after I leave.” I leaned on the desk, going toe to toe with my mother as the tension built in the room. “I never wanted to come here. I never wanted to be an agent, but I’ll finish the course as promised. I need a break, and it’s been almost two years since I’ve seen Dad.”

“What the hell would you need a break from? You have more than most people could ever want?” She held her arms open, and I realized she was talking about material things: clothes, food, money, and whatever else she put on that list.

“It has nothing to do with material things. I…I don’t know how to explain it to you, but I just need some space to breathe. Away from here, away from Peter, and away from you.” I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. “You’re smothering me, and I can’t take it.”

My mother laughed, but the sound was not jovial in any way.

“You were always a daddy’s girl. I shouldn’t be surprised that you’d run to him when things got a little uncomfortable or too real for you. It’s what you’ve always done, and he always allows you to get away with it. You’re never going to grow up, and I’m sick of seeing you throw your life away. So, if you decide to do this, then I’m not funding the rest of your school.”

I shook my head at the blatant stupidity. “Do you even hear yourself when you speak? Because that was the stupidest thing I have ever heard you say.”

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that. I’m still your mother. Show some respect.”

She pressed the knuckles of her fist into the table, and I stared at her hand, which used to have a wedding ring on it. There used to be a lot of things that were different, but she ruined all of them. She chose her ambition and career over her family time and again. She chose to have an affair rather than be faithful to her husband. She chose to treat me like an annoying parasite rather than her child. I needed to stop thinking that this was somehow my fault when I told dad about her affair.

“Respect is not given just because you’re my mother, it must be earned, and you lost all my respect the day you couldn’t tell me who my father was,” I snarled.

It was as if I’d smacked a dragon. Her nostrils flared, and she sucked in a deep breath like she was going to blow fire at me. She probably would’ve if it weren’t for a man I didn’t recognize walking into the room.

“Is everything alright in here,” the man asked as he stared between my mother and me.

“Yeah, I was just leaving.”

“We’re not done talking about this,” my mother called after me as I made my way out the door.

I didn’t bother to say anything. There was no point when she was like this. I’d learned that the hard way far too many times. I’d get further by banging my head off a wall. Storming down the hall, I felt my coat flutter around me. The few people in the hallway gave me a wide birth, so I must have looked like I wanted to kill someone. My phone rang in my pocket, and I immediately groaned as I stared at Peter’s name.

Might as well get this done and over with, rip the bandage off in one go, so I hit the answer.

“Hi Peter,” I said after I pressed answer on the screen.

“Hi there, Babe,” he said, his voice cheerful, and I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it as if he’d just spoken another language. “You still there?”

I stopped just inside the doors and stared out at the dark sky. That was the thing I hated about winter. It wasn’t the cold, snow, or even the slush on the roads that made it a slow white-knuckle drive. No, it was how early it got dark.

“Yeah, I’m still here. I’m just trying to figure out why you’re suddenly in such a good mood. When I left your mother’s house yesterday, I didn’t think we’d ever speak again. I mean, I did tell you we were through, or did you not hear that part?”

“Things got out of hand, but I wanted to make it up to you. I know we haven’t been getting along much lately, but I miss how we used to be. Can I take you to dinner, and we can talk about us? I really don’t want yesterday to be the way we end things.”

Just end the torture. Just say, ‘nope, I’m sorry, but it’s not working for me. Don’t agree to dinner.’

“I guess I could do that. When did you want to meet?” Swallowing hard, I closed my eyes as I mentally punched myself in the face.

“I’m just around the corner. I was hoping you’d say yes. I’ll be there in five to pick you up,” he said. I looked down at the white blouse, navy pants, and plain pumps I was wearing.

“I’d need to get changed first….”

From the door I was standing next to, I could see his lights pull into the parking lot. “Don’t worry about it. We will go somewhere relaxed and casual. I’ll see you at the door. Talk in a minute, Babe.” The phone connection went dead, and every single one of my what-the-fuck synapses were firing on all cylinders.

Pulling up to the curb, he got out and waved as he smiled. Once more, I wondered if I’d somehow stepped into an alternate reality. As I stepped outside from the warmth of the building and walked down the stairs, I shivered as the cool fall air swirled around my neck. An image of walking the plank with a shark swirling below in the water popped into my head.

“Hey Babe, you look great,” Peter said as I slipped into the car’s passenger side door. He leaned over to kiss me, and I pulled back and stared at him.

“What’s going on? Why are you being so sweet? This is not like you at all.” I looked him over and even sniffed the air to see if maybe he’d been drinking.

“Nothing is wrong, I swear. It’s just that I realized what a jerk I’d been lately, and it’s all because of the stress at work. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you or let it interfere with our relationship. Work shouldn’t come between us, and I’ve been so stressed and embarrassed to say anything.” He smiled and pulled away from the curb. “You know I want to marry you, Kirbs.”