Page 92 of Secrets of the Six

I slip my hands on both of her shoulders and squeeze reassuringly. "I know, Caro. Out of everyone I've known in my entire miserable life, you've been the only one I can truly depend on. I'm sorry we lost so much time."

Suddenly, with tears welling in her brown eyes, she snatches me into a warm hug, and I hug her back. I didn't know I was needing this until it happened. All my trauma, my childhood fears and dreams all rush back and hit me like a stone wall. I remember the pain of losing Carmen, the panic of being all alone again and wondering what happened – if she left because she couldn't deal with me anymore or if something awful caused her untimely death. Separately we survived hardships no woman should ever endure. Despite the loss, despite the suffering, we found one another again. We're stronger, wiser and have built new lives with feminine rage being our platform. We will burn this city to the ground if it means we will reap our long-awaited revenge.

When she pulls back, I release her so she can wipe the tears streaming down her face. She giggles. "Sorry. I know when people cry it makes you uncomfortable."

I slip my arm around hers and tug her forward, even though I have no idea which way to go, and whisper, "It doesn't bother me. Cry all you want, Caro. I'm not going anywhere."

And every thought of running away, abandoning the crew, instantly vanish. I found my home. Now it's time to fight for it.

When Carmen and I were kids, I was considered the sneaky one and she the charmer. We made a great team. But as we skulk through the city streets, making our way to the Night District, I see her skills of sticking to the shadows has improved greatly. I suppose Remus has something to do with that.

The Jaded Fox comes into view, and it's crowded. I tug my hood over my head, doing my best to conceal my face from sight should any of the elite be here and recognize me. There are a couple hours left for patrons to booze up before stumbling home or finding a hotel to sleep off their stupor until morning. But as Carmen and I sift through the endless sea of bodies in the tavern, we don't find a booth to occupy like I expected. She grabs my hand and pulls me to the back. We pass the stock room and a small kitchen before we find a narrow staircase leading up to the second-floor door. Carmen jiggles a key from her dress pocket and slides it into the lock, opening the door.

Vanilla and lavender consume me as soon as we step inside the cozy apartment. She offers to take my coat, and I oblige. Once she hangs our cloaks on the wooden pegs anchored in the wall, she motions me deeper into the space where a kitchen, dining room, and living room share one big rectangular space.

She points at the only other door. "That's our bedroom with a bathroom attached if you need it."

Our bedroom.

"So, you and Shaw live here?" I ask and she nods with a bright grin.

"It's really convenient, especially since we work so much." She grabs two mugs from one of the olive-green cabinets in the kitchen and fills them with boiling water from the kettle on the stove. "I asked Shaw to put the kettle on. I'm glad he remembered."

"How long have you and Shaw been…?" I'm not exactly sure what they are to one another, so I leave my question open-ended for her to answer.

She brings the mugs with tea bags floating inside to the circular table and I claim the chair across from her. "Remus set me up to work with Shaw. He couldn't keep an eye on me all the time since he had a full plate being Don Rafael, so he asked Shaw to help me when I needed anything." She shrugs, lifting her cup to her lips and blows. "Shaw and I spent a lot of time together and slowly I opened up to him about my past. He was there through my recovery, both physically and emotionally. When I was sick, he took care of me. When I was frightened, he would hold me until my panic attacks passed. He was my silent protector, always there when I needed him but wouldn't insert himself if I needed space. Soon, our feelings grew from friendship to love, and we've been married for two years now."

"You're married?" Part of me wishes I had been able to see her on her wedding day, but I can't help but be happy she found what she always wanted – a family.

She bobs her head and takes a long sip of her drink. "It was a secret ceremony. Most people don't know. Patrons will be more willing to flirt with a woman they believe is available than a married one, fearing her husband's wrath." She chuckles. "I dare say, Shaw is a very patient man. He's had to endure me laughing at other men's jokes, or watch them rub my back, just to glean a morsel of information that may or may not be of value."

"But he makes you happy?" I ask, not sure why I'm inquiring. "He makes you feel safe?"

"I've never been happier."

"Good, because if he doesn't treat you right, I'll make him disappear." I issue the threat as I take a sip of my tea, and she shakes her head.

"Oh, Ines. The sweet scoundrel I grew up with wouldn't hurt a fly."

And just like that, the air is sucked out of the room, and I can't breathe. She pictures me as the naive little street urchin with hopes and dreams fueled by good intentions. She doesn't know me for the wretch I am. Sure, she knows I'm a thief, but she doesn't know the blood of many men stains my hands. Blood I do not regret spilling. I'm not who she thinks I am, not who she remembers, and that cleaves my heart in half. As I try to suck in a proper breath, it's as if every motion is slowed, and I feel as if I'm sinking in the ocean. I claw at my chest and force my lungs to work.

Realizing something is wrong, she rises from her chair and rushes over to me, kneeling before me. She slides her hands on either side of my face and softly instructs me to, "Breathe, Ines. Breathe with me."

She inhales a deep breath and slowly exhales it, and I attempt to follow suit. It's a struggle at first but after a few minutes of rhythmic breathing exercises, I calm down. I tap her hands to let her know she can release me, but she stays still until I say, "I'm fine. I promise."

"What happened?" She searches my eyes, looking for a shred of honesty probably knowing I'll attempt to brush off her concerns.

I'm not sure what to say. She remembers me being the little girl with hopes and dreams. Her best friend who wouldn't hurt anyone to get ahead. Now I'm sitting across her table with bloody hands and a dirty soul. The sins I've committed – I can't admit them to her. She might throw me out, stiff arm me out of her life for not aligning with Ordo Vulpe values. I can't lose her again. Not when I just got her back.

"Ines?" she whispers, drawing my hazy gaze. "What's wrong? Is it something I said?"

I open my mouth, unsure of what to say. I'm tired of lying, but the truth might rob me of what little normalcy I have.

The apartment door opens and Shaw, Cassius, and Olli stampede inside sparing me from confessing my sins. She hops up to greet them, though her eyes keep darting back to me, as if she's afraid I'll combust and disappear into a vapor.

Shaw beelines for her and wraps his arms around her, planting a gentle kiss to her forehead. "Mi amor," he whispers, and she grins, pushing up on her toes to kiss his lips.

"Do you want some tea?" she offers the newcomers, embracing her hostess status like a badge of honor.