Page 85 of Never Till Now

“Adam, I…” I falter backward before his lips capture mine, taunting me to fall under his spell of empty truths. “I won’t. I shouldn’t have even asked you to choose me over your family.” How dare I summon up the nerve to ask someone to stay. It’s easy to become desensitized by words when your entire life has been built around studying actions.

“I want to choose you. I need to choose my family as well.” Adam growls with a frustrated sigh. “I want this to work. But not like this. If you can’t accept my heart or realize how worthy you are of being loved, then I need this to be over.” His hand runs over his jaw as this giant man fights back tears. “At least until you figure yourself out.”

“I’m not the one on the brink of tears,” I bluntly lie in a casual tone. “I’ve got myself figured out.”

“Lauren.” He shakes his head as his eyes call my bluff.

“You won’t have trouble finding another chick to stick your dick in.” I try to break him before he fully breaks me. “I know I’ll find a replacement in a city of millions.”

“You own what’s left of me, Lauren. You are the most monumental person I have ever been blessed to cross paths with. I have nothing to give to anyone else.”

“Maybe we can have an occasional hookup whenever you’re back in town.” I shrug, keeping my gaze at the door I wish he’d walk through. “If I’m even still in this city.” The last sentence stops my heart, knowing I meant to keep that to myself.

This vulnerable situation is messing with my damn head.

Little does Adam know, I applied to a few places around Tahoe after the first time I visited his family’s cabin. Something about the tranquility and longing for a smaller community struck deep within. Little does he know he’s been the reason I haven’t reached out to any of the offers. Until now.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Adam steps closer, crowding my space once again and this time, I’m against the wall. “Fuck the casual hookup. We’re more than that. Are you leaving?”

I swallow down the pain I know I’m causing him and myself, but it’s for the best. It’s easier to sever ties now and part than if we invested a year or more of our lives and ended up saying goodbye. This, without a doubt, is the right choice.

“If I want to. I’m not the one who is owned.”

“You said you wanted to try with us.” His breath hits my lips, stealing the air from my lungs once again.

“And look where that’s gotten us.” My vision hazes with little stars and I’m thankful to be against the wall so I don’t faint in his arms.

“Do you not hear yourself?” Adam is too close as his scent pervades the air and awakens the spot between my thighs.

“Do you not hear yourself, Mr. I Will Only Do Casual.” I move to the side, hating what his dominant stance is doing to my body, but he mirrors my step.

“I’m not sorry for having a fucking heart. For wanting it to beat for you.” My god, this man must have memorized this from a stupid romance film.

“You mean that only one of us stayed true to our original agreement?” I throw his past words back at him and push my tongue to the roof of my mouth, hoping to not form tears. “Was I not clear about my terms from the start?”

I’m glad I put on a loose shirt because I swear he would see my heart beating out of my chest otherwise.

“People change, Lauren.” So, he does remember what he said to the lobby girl. “Keep tossing money toward therapy. It seems to be working wonders.” The sarcasm cutting through his voice has never been stronger.

“I didn’t start therapy in order to fall in love with you,” I bite back as I push past him.

“No. It just proves that you still don’t love yourself enough to be loved.”

“You don’t respect yourself enough to tell your daddy how you truly feel about work. The type of life you want to live.”

“That is completely different.” His voice rises. “My work is complicated, and you know that.”

“I’m complicated.” I throw my hands up in defeat and meet his volume. “Yet, you have no problem leaving me.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Stop doing that,” I say through clenched teeth. “I don’t care about what your mouth says.” I glance around my condo, looking for a place to storm off to and wish it wasn’t so damn small in this moment. “I get that your family trumps anything. Every. Damn. Time.” I stand my ground and cross my arms. “I don’t and won’t put my life on hold for anyone, Adam.”

“Lauren, they don’t own me.”

“Riiight.” I hear my voice reach the brink of unstable humor. “I forgot how much you absolutely love your job, Adam.”

“We can’t all excel at a great paying job to fill past voids, Ms. Practitioner.”