Page 52 of Never Till Now

“It was during that moment when I realized wanting things is too much. If I never wanted the ring so bad, then I wouldn’t have been upset to lose it.” Her shoulders straighten as she looks me straight in the eye. “I had let my feelings become attached to objects and friends at school. I had given them so much power over my emotions and ended up disappointed.” She reaches for her water, and I stay silent. “I allowed myself to be hurt over things that can be taken away. I felt angry with myself for wanting anything.”

Annnd, there it is.

Whether she realizes it or not, that was the therapy she needed to say out loud. A child who had never felt love. A child who lost their innocence. A child whose needs were never met beyond food, water, and a bed. Hopefully she always had a bed. I wonder if she will ever want again. If I need anything in life, it’s for her to feel okay to want something. Anything. I know the relationship status has always been an issue for me, too. If our arrangement is what brings her happiness, I’m all for it.

“I try to pay close attention to every child who enters where I work. Sometimes the signs of abuse are too easy to hide.” She yawns before standing from the couch. “Do you mind sleeping here tonight?”

“You’d have a hard time kicking me out if you tried.” I follow her across the room.

I open my arm, inviting her to lie on it and expect her to throw out a sarcastic remark or push it away. She hesitates for a second before closing the distance between us. Her head fits perfectly in the crook of my shoulder and her arm rests across my chest. Lauren takes a deep breath and holds it for a worrisome amount of time. I peek down just as she releases it, melting into me as if she’s one with my soul. Her body molds perfectly into mine. Her soft lips make a trail along the edge of my jaw before she settles back down.

“Thank you.” Her voice is strained, and it doesn’t take long before her breaths become light and even.

By some miracle, she sleeps through the night.

I watch the sunrise glow behind the buildings through her window. It’s six a.m. and my arm and Lauren are the only ones that have slept. Lauren stirs as painful tingles shoot through my arm. I clench my abs and hold my breath in hopes the pain will stop. I hope she can sleep in a bit longer. Waking up from trauma at the break of dawn every day isn’t how someone’s day should start. I look down at the loose bun of blonde waves starting to unravel. Her lips are plump and slightly parted with gentle exhales. There’s a soft innocence about her.

The sick people in the world cause bile to churn in my empty stomach as I recall the truths of her past. How can someone be so evil to an innocent child who needed decent parents? Then to be blamed and told it was her and Ella’s fault that the fucking rapist got locked up. My fists tighten with rage. Lauren’s beautiful soul stood strong and made something for herself, but will she ever be comfortable enough to rely on anyone else? I take pride in being capable, but I know my family has my back if I fall.

My eyes finally feel heavy as I start to drift to sleep. Her body stirs as she starts to wake. Lauren’s head tilts up on my chest and I let out a loud fake snore, causing her to jump. My eyes open as I stifle a laugh.

“That was not funny.” She props herself up on her elbows.

“I can’t have you thinking I’m perfect and never snore. You’d end up falling in love with me.”

“Ha. You couldn’t pay me to do that.” She shakes with a half smirk. “I guess I’ll never get one morning with a peaceful wake up.”

“Sorry, I should have said ‘good morning, beautiful’ and then ate you for breakfast.” I tighten my arms around her waist and pull her closer.

“You don’t need to lie about the beautiful part.” I wasn’t. “I look like a mess, Adam, and I’m still wearing yesterday’s clothes.”

“How about you go shower and I’ll have breakfast ready when you’re finished.”

“I need to leave by nine because I’m meeting Tessa for a workout.”

“I’m sure I can whip something up in your three-hour time frame.” She nods and crawls out of bed.

We don’t talk about yesterday or how she woke up in my arms as we eat breakfast. I’d like to ask more questions, but the last thing I want to do is trigger more if she’s trying to move on. I walk home under the clear sky and long to sleep for the next few hours. Stepping into the shared elevator to mine and my sister’s suite, Max steps out. He’s in his usual bar attire from the night before.

“Bro, it’s barely nine.” I place a hand on his shoulder. “Did you crash at my place and realize I wasn’t there?” Max is one of the few people who know my key code to unlock my place.

“Nah, Kelsie sent me a text last night and was pretty drunk.” His face twists in concern. “She’s not handling everything well this past week.” This shit always has to happen when I’m out with Lauren. “I had a few hours of sleep before dropping Mallory off at camp. James is fed and situated with a show.”

“Fuck, why didn’t she tell me that it’s bugging her this much?”

“Tell you that a man is causing her this much stress?” Max tugs his lip in a smirk. “Remember how that went in the past?” Kelsie hated how any guy who went near her in high school would have to answer to Max and me if shit went wrong.

“That asshole was spreading lies through the school about her.” No guy showed her interest after I broke the nose of her tenth-grade boyfriend.

Am I the reason she’s in this mess right now?

“Kels tried to kick me out when I arrived. Seconds later, I held her hair back as she puked.”

“Fucking Benson. She should have gone to the same university as us.” She clung to the first guy who showed an interest in her during her freshman year of university. “We could have fucking saved her from that asshole.”

“Where were you last night?” Max clearly senses my rage building and diverts my attention. “You normally play the piano in the quiet wee hours.”

“Lauren was…” I trail off, not wanting to reveal anything. “Something came up and she needed me to stay.”