Page 152 of Knot So Social

“I want you so badly, I’m aching all over.” Joel uncovers his face and touches two fingers to his gums. “The need to bond you, to make you mine, burns in my teeth. But I’m a wreck, Willow. I can’t even trust my own judgement anymore, and I can’t bear to be rejected again. Do I even have anything to offer you? Fuck. I think I might be a broken man, and you deserve so much more than that.”

“Broken? That’s not what I saw from the alpha who rescued me in the storm,” I whisper, my throat closing.

He scoffs. “That was different.”

“Was it? Maybe that’s who you really are.”

He groans and shuffles forward to drop his head in my lap. Damn, he’s so much like me, shivers run through my body. Someone broke him down and made him think he’s unworthy of happiness.

“If I could be the one to protect you, Willow, to hold your hand every day and make you smile, I’d give anything.” He tilts until his cheek rests in my hand.

That’s the man with the sunshine scent, the one daring to show himself to me for the first time.

Jeremy’s words about Joel liking being bossed around echo in my head, and now it all makes sense. This twin is locked in a duality between who he is inside and the way the world has tried to shape him. He wants to lead and protect, but doesn’t know which person he’s allowed to be. Just like me.

It’s not weakness. It’s caution.

Tears drip down my face to land in his hair.

Joel straightness. “Oh shit, now I’ve made you cry.”

He reaches for my blanket. I snatch it back on impulse and he releases it immediately.

“Sorry, I—”

“No, no, no.” The alpha wipes my tears with his thumbs. “I’m the one apologizing. The last thing I wanted to do was make you cry? See, I screw everything up.”

“These are happy tears, Joel.”

“Happy tears?” His eyes widen. “What’s that?”

I burst out laughing and promptly choke. Joel fusses around me, patting my back and offering water until I get myself under control. When I pass him my blanket, he uses a corner to wipe my damp cheeks. Then he tucks it around my knees.

“What do I do?” he murmurs, crouched over me. “Tell me, Willow, and I’ll do it.”

I reach out and run my fingers through his sun-kissed hair. “Stay. Stay and let’s discover who you are together.”

He traps my hand against his face. “Do you really mean that?”

“Of course.”

Joel winces, like he’s in agony. “But sweetheart, I’m an alpha, and I can’t always hide it. I’m not as good as Jeremy and Alessandro at masking my scent.”

Shaking my head, I chuckle. “Don’t you remember? I climbed a stranger’s body because of that scent. I’m not afraid of alpha pheromones. I’m afraid of . . . being cast out after.”

He growls, the vibration running through my fingertips. “That will never happen. If you say yes to me, Willow, I’m completely yours. I’ll be by your side until you order me away.”

The words send a hot tingle running through me.

“Oh, and what if I never order you away?” I tease.

“That would be perfect.”

Damn, he’s serious too.

Joel leans in until his forehead touches mine. “No courting, no dating. All in, everything I have. Because I can’t . . . with you, if I can’t have you—”

He chokes, his alpha scent spilling everywhere as his Adam’s apple bobs overtime.