Page 40 of Wicked Heat

Except I don’t have to be alone.

Lightning flashes outside the windows, a rare sight in Los Angeles, and I watch in awe as the sky glows and the walls rumble. It’s fabulous and beautiful and strange. And I don’t want to be alone. Or maybe that’s just an excuse.

I don’t know. All I know is that I want what this card key can give me.

I want. And I hate myself for it.

My self-loathing isn’t strong enough to stop me, however. There’s something about him that pulls me in. That makes me need.

Without even realizing I’ve made a decision, I hurry forward, and the crowd parts for me like the Red Sea, as if everybody in this hotel knows that I have somewhere to be, and that I need to get there before I lose my nerve.

As I approach the elevator, I look at the key again, surprised to see that the number is still there. Why hasn’t it disappeared? Why hasn’t everything gone wrong? How is it that this weird, strange day could have turned out so right, and now I’m walking into the promise of something even better?

Ashton Stone.

Something like panic washes over me, leaving my skin feeling prickly and strange. I think that I should stop this nonsense. That I should turn around. But I don’t. Instead, I mentally flip my panic the bird, then step into the elevator.

I watch, feeling removed from myself, as my finger rises and stabs the button for the fourteenth floor. Then I look around.

I frown.

When I’d stepped into this small box, I’d thought it was empty. Now it’s crowded, and I shake my head at how lost I must have been in my thoughts. I squeeze into the corner, realizing that I’m the only single person here. Everyone else is coupled up, arms around each other. Some look frustrated. Others look happy to have this unexpected break in their travel.

All are looking at me.

I see approval in some eyes. I see contempt in others. I realize I don’t care. I want what I want. And what I want is Ash.

I’m hyper-aware of my own body as I step out of the elevator on fourteen. Immediately, I lose my nerve, and I turn around to slide back into the elevator. But it’s gone. Not just closed, but gone. I shake my head, realizing I’ve already walked down the hallway toward Ash’s room.

Clearly, I should have stuck with Diet Coke.

I keep walking, looking for the number that is scribbled on the key: 1451. I walk the perimeter three times, but never find it. How the hell is that possible?

I start to worry that this is all a joke. That Ash wrote down the wrong number. That he doesn’t really want me there at all.

As soon as the thought enters my head, I’m sure it’s true. Tears well in my eyes, and I’m so certain of his duplicity, I start to run. Start to bolt back to the elevator. I can see it in the distance, only it seems to get farther and farther away with every step I take. I struggle on, though, and just as I’m about to reach out and punch the button, I hear my name.

Him. Not ten feet away and standing on the threshold of room 1451.

He holds out his hand, and I go to him.

“You look spooked? Are you okay?”

“I—I think I drank too much. I’m feeling a little off.”

“Come on in,” he says, urging me inside. Then he shuts the door and puts his hands on my shoulders as he studies my face. “You look fine,” he says. Then he leans forward and gently kisses my forehead.

I feel my body stiffen. I know why I came here. I know what I want. Sex has been so hard for me since the kidnapping. As in, I haven’t quite managed to even get that far.

With Ash, though… well, I’d come thinking it would be easier with him. But I hadn’t expected this. True gentleness. Genuine caring.

I don’t know what I’d thought he’d be like. A dream, maybe. Something I’d walk away from and never be sure it was real. And the not knowing would make it be safe.

I can handle fantasy. It’s reality that twists me up.

But that single kiss on my forehead feels real, and now I don’t know what to do.

“Hey,” he says, using the pad of his thumb to brush away a tear. “What is it?”