Page 23 of Touch Me

Right now, he’s looking straight at me.

Something is wrong. Very, very wrong. And I hurry towardhim, not wanting to know what happened, but terribly afraid that someone Ilove’s been hurt.

“Ry—” I begin, then stop cold when those flat, emotionlesseyes meet mine.

“Are you okay?”

“I…” I trail off with a shrug. And before I can ask what’sbothering him, he steps closer to me. And for the first time I can remember, Itake a corresponding step back. Or I try to. His hand on my shoulder holds mein place. Gentle, but firm enough that I’d have to shake free.

That’s exactly what I do.

“Dammit, Jamie. Just answer my question. I know you went tothe clinic. So tell me. Are you okay?”

“Yes.” My knees go suddenly weak, and I settle onto a nearbychair as Ryan paces in front of me. I feel sick to my stomach. This isn’t atall how I wanted him to find out.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I was planning to tell—”

He holds up a finger, cutting me off. “Just—just don’t sayanything, okay. I need a minute to wrap my head around this.”

I nod, wishing now that I’d told him before I went. At thetime, it had seemed like the better way to go. Go see Dr. Albright, then comeback with all the information. But I never once expected he’d find out before Ihad a chance to tell him.

“I wanted to tell you before, but I guess I also needed tobe alone. I had to know if I could really do it. But that was wrong of me. I’mso sorry.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose, then takes a seat on thefootstool. “So that’s it? You go and do something like that without eventalking to me and all I get is that you’re sorry?”

“Like that? Like what?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Jamie.” He drags his fingers throughhis hair then stands up and starts pacing again.

I watch him. The pain on his face. The fury, too. I don’tunderstand it. I mean, yes, I should have told him, but this is out of allproportion. All I did was go—

Wait a second.

“How do you even know where I was? I didn’t tell you.” Andsince my phone died only a mile from the house, I know he couldn’t have trackedme, either.

“I think the not telling me is pretty much the center ofthis whole clusterfuck, don’t you?”

“Dammit, Ryan, how did you even know where I was?”

For a moment, I think he’s not going to answer me. Then hepulls his phone from his back pocket and hands it to me, open to a screenshotfrom a ridiculous Hollywood gossip site.

For a moment, I just stare at it, entirely unable tocomprehend. It’s me. It’s the clinic. And that horrible headline is hintingthat I—

Holy shit.

I don’t even remember standing, but somehow I got halfwayacross the room and right in Ryan’s face. “You believe this? You thinkI got a fucking abortion?”

I turn away from him, my entire body cold. Not from thethought of terminating, but from the knowledge that he actually believed that Iwould.

My back is to him, and I’m focusing on breathing. It’s noteasy.

“Jamie.” I hear him draw a breath. “Jamie, I’m sorry. I—”

I whip around. “Fuck you, Ryan.” Tears are streaming down myface, but I barely even notice. “How the hell could you think that little ofme?”

“Jamie, I—”

“I was at the clinic because Nikki’s OB volunteers thereevery third week, and, I wanted to see her right away. I wanted to know how faralong I was. And, you know, get checked out. I didn’t go there to get agoddamned abortion, and the fact that you think I would do something like thatwithout talking to you first…”