Page 66 of My Cruel Salvation

“But you are making that decision. You’re taking that step. You’re saying hold back. What we do is simply the reverse.”

I don’t want to argue with him about this, especially because I’m tired enough that my mind can’t come up with a good counter-argument, which frustrates me. So instead I just snap, “Look, are you going to go after him or not?”

He laughs, and I know he understands why I’m frustrated. “No. I want to. The man’s pissed me off in a million ways, not the least of which is hurting Brandy and making me feel like a fool. But I won’t go after him because you don’t want me to. And the thing I want most of all is for you and your friends to be happy.”

Pleasure soaks through me and I smile. “Oh. Well, okay then.” I lean forward my hands on his chest as I give him a soft kiss. Then I pull back, another question dancing on my lips, one I’m not sure I should ask, but once again Devlin knows me well.

“What is it?”

I shrug. “It’s just—It’s just that I don’t like him not knowing. Or Brandy.” I don’t have to explain that the him I’m referring to is Lamar, and the subject I’m referring to is Saint’s Angels.

“I know you don’t, but I’m not yet to that point where we should let them know. I think that really is too dangerous.”

“I thought you were concerned with me keeping secrets from my friends.”

“I suppose if you were part of it, things might be different. But you’re not. You’re a bystander and a watcher. Hell, you’re my talisman for what’s good and solid and centered.”

“I don’t think I—”

“I do. And that’s not the point. But I don’t think that it’s fair to the others on the team that your emotions about your friends should come into play under those circumstances.”

It’s a fair argument, and one I hadn’t thought of.

He tilts my chin up with his fingertip. “If I were in the CIA, would you feel strange about not being able to tell your friends what I do?”

“No, I suppose not. But you’re not in the CIA.”

“Are you sure?” He winks, and I laugh, and even though I am sure, I have to actually concede that no, I really don’t know.

“So I’m supposed to just pretend like you’re an undercover operative, and I’m the poor woman left behind who doesn’t know what you’re up to when you go on your secret missions?”

“I think we can play that game for a while.” He flips me over making me squeal. “Right now,” he says, “I think we both need to be undercover.”

He slides down my body and pulls the sheet up over both of us. And then he kisses me, long and deep and with enough passion that I forget all of my fears, all of my wishes, all of my problems, and all of my secrets. Right now, I’m nothing but desire, and once again, I let Devlin take me away on a wave of sweet forgetfulness, lost in the pleasure of skin against skin.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Late the next morning I watch as Devlin packs the suitcase he’s been living out of since we left for New York what seems like a millennium ago. After going straight to Tracy’s murder scene, we’d come here to be with Brandy, then almost immediately headed off to Idaho.

It’s been a whirlwind, and now that Blackstone’s out of the picture, Devlin’s ready to get back to his own place. And me…

Well, I’m feeling at loose ends.

“Come home with me,” Devlin says.

“I want to be with you,” I tell him. “You know that. But I don’t want to leave Brandy alone right now. She’s fragile.”

“Is she scared Christopher might come back?”

I shake my head. “No. We all agree the odds are low, and she knows you have security watching the house. But she’s been through hell and she’s my best friend.”

“I get it,” he says. “And I’ll miss being here. But I miss my house, too. And my closet.”

I laugh. I can’t argue with that.

“Well, you should know that Jake’s going to be a wreck if the house empties out. He’s been in doggie heaven with everyone here. Another reason for me to stay.”

He comes and sits beside me on the bed. “You’re a good friend. To both of them.”