Page 48 of Risking it All

“That’s why you took those pills,” he mumbled.

“I . . . I wanted Reed to see what he did to me. Since I was a child, I was raised and trained to be his perfect wife. My entire existence was being a good wife to him one day. Then he fell in love, real love. Something I thought I would never experience. One day he just woke up and decided that I wasn’t good enough.”

“Mama,” he groaned, carefully taking a step closer to me.

I moved backward, making him stop.

“I didn’t have a choice, Sawyer. I’ve never had a fucking choice until you. Until you saved me. I felt like I didn’t have anything to look forward to. You changed that for me.”

“That’s why you should know I would never hurt you, baby. I need you to know that. I can’t stand for you to look at me like that. What did I tell you, mama?”

“That if somebody wanted to hurt me, they would have to go through you. That was before you knew how valuable serving my head up on a platter would be. That was before you had any idea how dangerous protecting me would be. You said that before you knew who I was. I know I can’t hold you to that now.”

“None of that shit matters, Zenia. I’m a man of my word. I could have made one phone call and found out exactly who you were. Protecting you was more important than any of that shit. I care about you, Zenia. Let me help you.”

“Don’t you see there’s no helping me at this point? Once we had sex, I signed my death certificate. I signed it the moment I decided to run.”

“So what exactly happened after Reed pulled out on the marriage? When I met him, he was already working on the move to get out of it.”

“My father blamed me for him not wanting me. Suddenly, his beautiful sunflower was no longer desirable enough to make a man want her. There must have been something wrong with me. For years, I shut down and just waited.”

“What were you waiting for?”

I scoffed. “Waiting for someone else to decide my future, for someone’s no-good son to choose me. To my family, I was just a reminder of a business deal gone bad. The more I waited, the worse my depression got. Eventually, I stopped caring.”

“Just because your parents told you that was the way love and life works doesn’t make it right. Our parents can be our worst enemies sometimes.”

“I know now. I guess I always knew that the way they did things was wrong. I just had to accept it. Accepting that made me decide to go. I knew if I stayed and married Roderick, I wouldn’t survive. I came here because I wanted Reed to pay for ruining my life. If he hadn’t broken our engagement, I would have already been married.”

“You think you would actually be happy? It was still an arranged marriage.”

“I don’t know, but I was way past that. When I found out he would be gone for months, I knew it was too late. I met you, and for one night, I got to pretend that I was just another woman sitting at a bar, trying to meet a guy. You didn’t know who I was, and you didn’t have any expectations. It was perfect for what I had planned. I never expected to know you beyond that first night. I definitely never meant to fall for you.”

“I’ve spent weeks trying to figure out why someone would want to hurt you. When you mentioned sex trafficking, I just figured you were connected to some sick people. I never imagined it had anything to do with The Force. I wish you would have trusted me to be able to help you. I needed to be way out in front of this. I’m at a loss right now.”

“See, I was trying to protect you from knowing too much.”

“I was already in too deep after the first night, mama.”

“I know, Sawyer. I’m sorry. I don’t even know what to tell you.”

He sighed. “Just,” he said, shaking his head before turning.

“Sawyer, please don’t walk away from me right now.”

“I’m not walking away from you, mama. I just need to think. I have to figure out how to move. Just give me some time, OK.”

“I’ll leave if I need to.”

He switched directions, walking over to me. “Listen to me, Zenia. Don’t leave this house for any reason. Promise me that you’ll stay here until I figure out how to help you.”

“Me getting away from you might be the best way for me to help you.”

“Zenia, do not leave this fuckin’ house!” he roared, making me jump.

My eyes ballooned. The tone of his voice made me comply. “OK,” I rushed.

“I’m not trying to scare you, baby. I’m trying to let you know that I understand how serious this is, and I know you do too.”