Page 33 of Crusher

“Nearly a year in Rose Hill, and I think I saw you once,” he begins the conversation as the door closes, and I furrow my brows. He continues, “I thought I was seeing things, you were walking past the tattoo shop I began working in, but because you had Kayden with you. I wrote it off, thinking it was all in my head, but now I can see it wasn’t and I am kicking myself for it,” he sighs, “I know the feeling of wanting to run, to never look back, I understand your home life wasn’t good, I understand Hayes was a fucking idiot –”

I cut in out of instinct and snap, “Language,” and he smirks.

“Sorry,” he says, “Though to be fair, out of the two of us, you are the one who has a habit of teaching kids swear words,” and I groan, “Damn Hayes…”

Why am I not surprised he told the brothers?

Cage chuckles before he gets serious again, “I understand he broke your trust and your heart. I understand he didn’t fight for you because he was still in that phase where he needed to make his dad proud after years of having him in his ear about messing up. Despite what had transpired the day before with Blaze. I understand so much about wanting to run, but tell me this, Alex, are you truly happy?”

I flinch, but he carries on, “Do you go every day with a big smile on your face without feeling regret for not trying harder, remorse for staying away for so long? Regret about if you had shown up with a baby on your arm you would have seen everything sent to you was a lie, or pure pain like you are missing a part of your soul?”

“You’re being a hypocrite,” I choke as I hold CJ tighter while the sweet babe snoozes on my shoulder, and Cage’s eyes soften.

“I know I am, but I have to be, not only because I know how much my kids and wife love you, how much I love you like a sister who was there for my parents after Angie passed, but I’ll lose Hayes if you leave,” he whispers, and I shake my head as my eyes tear up.

“It isn’t fair that you’re doing this to me, Bellamy. I can’t just shut off my pain, and you can’t stand there and say Drew wouldn’t have left, too. She wouldn’t have seen those messages and despised to stay gone? Heck, you can’t stand there and tell me if you didn’t know Hayes, then you would believe he and Roxy were an item,” I say softly, despite my frustration knowing I’m holding CJ, who I’m beginning to realize Cage allowed me to keep hold off because he knew I’d stay calm around a child.

The jackass played me.

“Again, I know, but when it comes to you and Kayden, who by the way, well done, the kid is awesome, I have to play dirty. I have to be a hypocrite, because Hayes needs you, he always has,” Cage whispers, and I shake my head.

“Don’t make him choose between you and the club because he will choose you,” he finishes, but I scoff.

“News flash, I already did once, and he chose the club. I asked him to leave until I could trust him again, out of hurt and anger, not realizing I was testing him until he failed that test. He cheated on me, Bellamy. I allowed him in my life, in my heart, when all I was trying to focus on was school. He swore to never hurt me, but he did, and it has been nothing but eight years of heartache that we need to move on from,” I swallow hard. “He slept with her a few days after I left, he proved I meant nothing to him, so this conversation is moot point at this rate. I have a motel room booked until Kayden is well enough to travel in a car for three hours, and then we’re going home.”

Cage locks his jaw and opens his mouth, but quickly shuts it when my soon-to-be ex-husband walks in with our son smiling in the wheelchair, and I soften.

“How was your ride, trouble?” I ask my son, and he winces while Hayes clears his throat, and I groan, “I don’t want to know, do I?”

Hayes winces then mutters, “Let's just say I’ve just donated a lump sum to the hospital that is now out of five blood pressure machines and two wheelchairs…”

My mouth drops open while Cage bursts out laughing, but Hayes's eyes soften seeing me holding CJ, and I look away until my sweet son asks, “Mama, can I have a baby brother?” and I look his way sharply, full of shock.

“Absolutely not.”

Hayes cuts me off, “Of course, bud,” and I glare at him while he smirks at me as Drew and Kodi walk in, both trying to hold in their laughter.

Assholes, all of them.

Shaking my head, I say, “Okay, trouble, let's get ready to head to the motel,” and this time Hayes glares my way, but I shrug while Cage huffs.

***

“You alright there, bud?” Hayes asks as he helps Kayden lie on the double bed, and Kayden nods before he asks, “Are you going to leave again?” and I swear my stomach sinks.

“No, I would never leave you, I promise,” Hayes whispers, and I blink several times as I turn and walk outside, allowing them their moment and preferably before Hayes sees my tears.

This is where things will get hard, I just know it. We need to break away from each other, to remove the tie between us, so he can focus on Kayden, while trying to fix what his dad broke within himself.

Swallowing, I look behind me quickly and grab my phone before scrolling down to the number I found while Kayden was in the hospital, before taking a deep breath and pressing on it.

It rings several times before a deep voice connects, “Judge Haste, how can I help you?”

“Hi, this is Alexiana Smith, I’m calling to see if I could get a court-ordered divorce, please…”

My stomach is in knots, I can hear my son sob, begging his dad not to leave, and I second-guess myself for just one moment. I stop like I did when I called Hayes after eight years of silence, before the image of him and Roxy flashes before me, the pleasure on his face having her, and I quickly blink the second-guessing away.

This is for the best, for all of us, because I’ll never be able to get past what he did, and I refuse to be my mother.