Page 12 of Crusher

Four hours later and several missed calls from the club, I look over the meadows. My girl’s laugh from when I ran after her in them, then making love to her in the tall grass, coming back to me. A few tears fall, and I take a deep breath before grabbing my phone from my cut.

I unlock it, a picture of my girl and me, the evening after I gave her the property cut, two months before I fucked up, both of us so fucking happy.

I swallow hard as I go to my call log and press her number, like I do every single day, keeping her up to date on the day-to-day events.

I know she’s probably ditched the phone, but I just… fuck, I need to speak to her, or believe that I am, even if I’m not.

The phone rings out before her voicemail hits, and I sigh as her voice echoes, “Hey, this is Alex. I can’t get to the phone right now. Hayes is probably occupying my time, but if you leave a message, I’ll try and get back to you…”

The phone beeps, and I sigh, “Freckles,” as I lean my head back against the wall and close my eyes.

Chapter 5

Alexiana – Age Twenty-Six

My phone buzzes against my hand as I lean over the boards and breathe in the icy cold air, taking it in, my eyes on the ice that I know if I step on, I’ll be fired, and my disappointment, as always, fills me along with loneliness.

“I swear, baby, a biker and ice just don’t fucking mix,” Hayes says as his legs wobble, and I giggle as I skate over to him and grip his hands, forcing him to grab my hips, and I say, “Just hold on, and I’ll guide us…”

I swallow back tears as I look at my old phone, which beeps with a voicemail, and I whisper, “Right on time…” as I spin the phone in my hand, knowing I only have five minutes to listen to it or get the courage to listen to it before I have to leave.

I’ve been at work since eight thirty. My feet hurt, my back aches, and I know I still need to do three hours of community college coursework later. I guess the one thing I can give Hayes is that he gave me the courage to enroll in college, even if it is only part-time in accounting. No, it isn’t something I want to do, especially when math was always difficult for me, the only subject I required extra help with, but right now that is where the money is, and I need money.

My job right now can’t sustain us much longer, and I’ve already received written notice from the apartment complex about overdue rent.

I look at the ice again as my eyes tear up, but I breathe through them, willing them not to form.

I’ve been working at Rose Hill Stadium since leaving Hill Crest, running their small café for six hours a day without a break. It’s a job I had lined up before Hayes, a job I subconsciously never refused, even after dating him, which should have said a lot, really.

I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I look at my old phone, something I just couldn’t seem to part with and bite my bottom lip.

I used the excuse that I needed to keep in contact with my mom, that I couldn’t just abandon her. When I heard Dad in the background telling her to demand where I was, that one of his men is buying me, I hung up and haven’t spoken to her since. I kept the phone and most days I don’t even know why especially since over the years, I’ve received several photos, mainly of Hayes with Roxy. The first one was of him with his head thrown back and her chest as she rode him not even five days after I left, and they just progressed after that. Breaking my heart until I received a photo of a baby six years ago, the name Marley James Smith in the caption and then one of Hayes holding said baby, looking at it lovingly. I blocked that number, unable to deal anymore, my heart breaking but again, I kept the phone.

I bite my bottom lip, eyeing the device.

For eight years, every day he has left me a message around this time, and it confuses me because he sounds heartbroken. He says all the right things, yet he’s had a kid with her, and he's moved on from me, he chose his club.

I swallow hard and look at the ice again, knowing I only have three minutes left until I need to leave.

Once, that is all I wanted, just once for someone to pick me, and instead of seeing the error of his ways, instead of realizing the trust he broke and needed to regain, he chose his club when his dad had basically dismissed him.

I eye my phone. Why does he keep calling?

Taking a deep breath, seeing I only have one minute left, I pull up my voicemail before pressing the phone to my ear.

“Freckles, hey baby” he sighs, and I swallow hard as my heart pounds every time I hear his voice, and my eyes begin to burn like always. “I fucking hate getting your voicemail. I hate that I haven’t heard your voice properly in eight years, that my life has derailed so fucking much without you,” he sighs again, “I’m at our spot in the meadows, and I fucking miss you, Alexiana. I know Kodi misses you, especially right now. She’s getting married, to Knuckles of all people, and her friend isn’t here…”

I smile at that, happy for my friend, whom I haven’t spoken to since her mom passed, after Hayes let me know through voicemail, and I couldn’t stay silent.

That girl deserves all the happiness in the world, and so does Knuckles.

I look at the ice one more time before slowly backing away, then turning, knowing I can’t stay any longer and not because my boss will get me to reopen the café until his manager, Jarrold, who seems to have a thing for me, comes in, who is running late as always.

“I chose wrong, Alexiana. I know I did, and I don’t even know if you’re getting these voicemails. I don’t know if you’ve thrown out your phone, but I know you’re keeping in contact with your mom. She says you've moved on, that you met someone, and I just, fuck, I want my girl back, I want to feel whole again.”

Of course, Mom lied about me seeing someone, she probably had hoped he’d screw her…