Page 31 of Out Of A Fix

“Just call,” he said, taking hold of my bicep. “Yes?”

“Yes,” I agreed.

His smile was really something.

Once I closed the door behind them, the lawyers the last ones out, when I turned to the kids, they were all staring at me, arms crossed.

“Yes?”

“What was that?” Griff asked me.

“That was a gorgeous lawyer asking me out.”

“Are you gay?” Darwin wanted to know.

“I’m bi. Not that it’s any of your business, but I also don’t care if you know or not. I like men and women.”

They remained silent.

“Does that bother you?”

“No,” Griff said. “Benny is gay and I don’t care.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Teddy thinks he might be gay but hasn’t told his mom,” Darwin added.

I had no idea how to respond to that, so I said simply, “Well, when he’s ready, I’m sure he will share that with her.”

“Isn’t gay or bi about who you sleep with?” Tatum inquired.

“Yes and no. It's also about who you love romantically and how you identify.”

She seemed to consider it for a moment, then said, “Okay. Now what about the cheese?”

“The cheese?”

“Yeah. I read that if you scrape off the mold, you can eat old cheese.”

“No.” I was adamant. “Unless we move to the South of France, there will be no cheese scraping.” Something occurred to me then. “Why are you—what is that?”

She cackled, holding with salad tongs a piece of…what had to have been a wedge of cheddar, I was guessing. The glint in her eyes was terrifying.

“No,” I said, using my serious master sergeant voice.

Her laughter was a bit unhinged but adorable. When she ran at me, I had no choice but to move. No way was I going to stay still and let her touch me with something that was clearly covered in very robustly growing mold.

“Nash, did you see the Star Trek Voyager episode where spores from moldy cheese infected the gel packs on the ship and endangered everyone?” Darwin asked, as though we were having a normal conversation instead of him watching as I stopped and changed directions, trying to evade Tatum.

“No,” I answered him, not ready to explain yet that sci-fi anything gave me hives. “Tatum, stop running and go throw that away right now.”

Only person ever who was not at all intimidated by my scary voice. Instead, she continued to chase me around the kitchen table with the cheese, laughing maniacally. I commanded her to stop again, to no avail. I knew better. I shouldn’t have run from the start. You always had to stand your ground.

“Griff,” I called over to him. “Tell your sister⁠—”

“Ohmygod, what is that?” He sounded horrified. “Why is it green? And oozy?”

Darwin started laughing as Tatum giggled loudly and bolted forward.