Page 28 of Heart of the Race

He must have been mulling that over, because there was a momentary lull. “And you and I have what?”

“You lost me.”

“What do we have, Brian? What is this that we’re doing?”

“We’re spending time together. Dating.”

“It’s a little more than that.”

“But it’s not serious,” I made clear, because being less than honest served no one.

“It’s not?”

“It just started.”

“Brian.” His voice dropped. “I really like you.”

“And I like you too, or we wouldn’t be dating.”

“The way you are, the way you see the world the way it could be and not just the way it is, is a really amazing gift.”

That was nice. “I appreciate that, Graham.”

“It just sounds like this Varro guy is bad news. Like he brings you down.”

“No, he doesn’t,” I said softly, and even I could hear the adoration in my voice. “He’s been there my whole life.”

“Until now.”

“Yeah.”

He cleared his throat. “You missed him.”

“I did.”

“Brian,” he sighed. “I need you to let me come over there.”

“Just to have you leave when he gets here? That makes no sense.”

“You’re not hearing me.”

All the men in my life had gone insane. “Can I just call you tonight?”

“No,” he said after a moment. “I’ll call you next week, all right? See if you’re still in the same place to start something with me.”

That was fair. I had no idea what I was or wasn’t going to be like even in another thirty minutes let alone a week from now. Varro was coming to see me. What would my life look like after he showed up?

“I want to be with you, Brian, but if you’re not ready to take that step… what am I supposed to do?”

“I understand.”

“No, Brian, that’s not what I want. I don’t want you to understand and be nice and let me walk out of your life. I want you to fight. I mean, do you ever do that? Do you ever yell and make demands and hold someone else accountable? Christ, do you ever get mad? Do you ever get excited or frantic or⁠—”

“You’ve seen me be all those things. Of course I⁠—”

“No,” he said firmly. “I’ve barely seen any emotion from you at all. At first I thought it was cool that you were so unflappable, but now I see it for what it really is.”

“And what’s that?”