Page 21 of Heart of the Race

“Of course you did,” he sounded hurt and snide at the same time.

“You would have come to help me?”

“I would do anything for you!”

“Anything?”

“Do you doubt that?”

I did and didn’t.

“Brian?”

“That’s not fair,” I said, because there were things he wouldn’t, couldn’t, abide.

“It’s the truth and you fuckin’ know it!”

I had to think.

“When you were there—when I had you and the racing…” He sounded so wistful. “God, Brian.”

“I hate it when you say shit like that,” I exploded. “Don’t treat me like I’m this great fucking love of yours when you know that’s all I ever wanted!”

Silence.

And after a long moment, it dawned on me what I had let pour from my soul and finally escape my lips.

Dear God.

I needed to pull the words back, but it was done and they were out there and there was no turning back time. I was standing naked in public, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

“What?” Varro was nonplused. I’d definitely surprised him.

Oh God. “Just⁠—”

“You love me?”

“Of course!” I seized on the chance to fix it. “You, Nico, your⁠—”

“No. That’s crap, Brian. That’s not what you meant.”

And it wasn’t.

“If it’s true⁠—”

“If?” I ground out. “There’s no if.”

He made a noise like he wasn’t sure. “Well, again, if that’s true, you sure have a shitty way of showing it.”

It took me a second because it was hard to listen and hope your head didn’t explode at the same time. “What?”

“You love me, but we’re apart. How does that make sense? Are you sure you know what you’re talking about?”

I hung up, because how dare he!

The year I spent on the road, I was great to him. I made sure everybody in his whole goddamn entourage loved me. I could not have been any nicer, any kinder, or any more helpful. I got messages and emails when I left, the whole we miss you and it’s not the same without you crap. I had made the trailer my home for the time I spent there, had filled it with things I knew he would want from heavy mugs to blankets to plants. How was I not the best friend ever?

My phone vibrated to let me know I had a text message.