Page 20 of Ice Around the Edges

“Ev––”

“Quit,” I grunted, cutting him off. “You talk too much.”

He did as I asked, throwing pillows off the bed as he moved. I watched the muscles in his arms cord, admired his ass in his tight jeans and the way his hair fell into his eyes. He was so sexy and beautiful, and it seemed like, if I wanted, if I just said the words, that he could belong to me all over again. I ran my hand over his back.

“What?”

“Nothing. Lay down.”

He lay on his back, and I stretched out beside him, propping myself up so I could look down into his beautiful eyes, careful of the angle so I wouldn’t rip the stitches in my chest.

“Evan, what can I do to help?”

“You’ve already done it,” I told him. “Who knew that this Christmas I was finally getting closure? That’s quite the gift, Mr. Bain.”

“Could you just cut the shit? We both know you haven’t been pining away for me for––”

“You don’t know anything,” I confessed, staring down into his eyes. The green was so dark at that moment, so clear. “You were my first everything. First guy I ever slept with, first guy I ever lived with, first guy I ever loved. Every one that came after has been compared to you, and the way it ended… I never saw that coming.”

“Evan––”

“It’s okay.” I grinned down at him. “We’re both at fault: you gave up and I didn’t fight. We’re both idiots.”

He put a hand through my hair and trailed his fingers down my throat. “I don’t want to be an idiot anymore.”

“It’s too late,” I teased him.

The pained expression on his face made me realize that we were talking about two different things. “Oh no, Dix, I mean that it’s too late ’cause you’re already an idiot.”

It took a second for my words to filter into his brain but when they did, he scowled at me.

I let out a deep breath, and he lifted, rolling me to my back, moving so he was over me. He slipped his leg between mine and leaned down and kissed me. His hands on my face were caressing, tender.

“Dix––”

“Here, let’s take this off,” he said, his voice deep as he gently eased my T-shirt up and off.

“You know I––”

“Evan, honey,” he said gently, sliding down my body, careful not to put any weight on me. “We’re gonna be careful with those stitches,” he promised, kissing where it hurt.

I felt the tears sliding down my face, and I wiped at them.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, brushing them away, kissing my eyes and then my mouth. I could feel his growing urgency and my own desire for him.

“I don’t expect this to be any more than––”

“For fuck’s sake, Evan,” he said slowly, his voice deep and husky. “You think you’re the only one who was there for four years? You think you’re a saint and I’m just the fuck-up that lived with you?”

“No, I just––”

“I was there because I wanted to be! I loved you, I still fuckin’ love you, and I never stopped. And the whole time that you’ve been comparing guys to me, I’ve been doing the same exact thing. Do you have any idea what it’s like to know that you fucked up the only shot you’re ever gonna get?”

“Yes, honey,” I soothed him, my fingers trailing through the short thick hair. “I do.”

“Jesus, Evan,” he groaned, “just…just say it already. Say it’s okay. Say you forgive me for being a coward, for running, for putting anyone before you.”

I sighed. “It’s funny, you know. I mean, you’re one of the most selfish people I know, and the one time I was counting on you getting what you wanted, instead you gave into the pressure from other people—or what you perceived to be pressure at the time.”