Page 85 of The Big Fix

“I’m sure,” he said softly. “Go on.”

“Well, I was helping him fix the tractor, and he said it was okay if it was men instead of women for me as long as I was always the one giving.”

He nodded.

“As long as I was still a man, he could still call me son.”

“I see.”

“It’s a vulnerable position to be in for anyone who takes another person into their body. It has to be done with trust and reverence.”

“I agree.”

“The few times I’ve trusted someone else…afterward it was either nothing—they didn’t get what it meant to me—or it was supposed to be my turn to reciprocate and give them what they wanted.”

Owen was quiet, waiting.

“And always, always, in the back of my head…”

“You heard your father’s voice.”

“Yes,” I said under my breath.

“So to prove to him, and then to the memory of him, that you’re a man, to make up for this need in you, you went ahead and became a super soldier and then a super spy.”

“That’s right.”

He sighed and then moved into my lap, facing me, and instinctively, I took hold of his hips as he gently, slowly pushed me down onto the bed. Hovering over me, hands down beside my head on either side, he was grinning almost evilly.

“What you do in bed has shit to do with what you do out of it,” he reminded me. “And I know you know that in your head, but I need you to get your heart and soul on board.”

“Owen, you—”

“I want to kiss you, but I want that to be okay. I don’t want to push, and I’m afraid I am, but I’m also terrified that if I let this go, if I leave you right now, I might not have another shot.” He took a breath. “We’re finally talking, but I’ll go if you want.”

Heartbeats of time passed by as I decided. Then, reaching up, I put my hands on either side of his neck and eased him down, lifting myself at the same time. His lips met mine, and they fit perfectly together, the press before his tongue was there, sliding in, and I opened for him because it was all I wanted to do.

The whimper from him was a surprise, as was the heat flaring between us. I slipped one hand around his nape and slid the other down his side to his hip. Both needed to anchor him to me so he couldn’t move.

His head tipped so his tongue could delve deeper, taste more of me, and his lips moved over mine, tenderly but firmly. When his chest rested against my own, I realized he was lying on top of me, the kiss never breaking, and I shivered with the feel of him.

When he lifted up a bit, still kissing me, I let him move, not holding on so tight, allowing him to push against me, and I could feel his cock through his shorts, pressing into my thigh. Instinctively, I reached for his length, my hand sliding from his hip to his groin, squeezing him through the thin material.

“Fuck,” he moaned, pushing my T-shirt up, sliding it over my too-hot skin, his hands on me a revelation. Everywhere he touched felt like a brand.

He broke the kiss then, and his wet mouth was on my chest, first kissing my pectoral and then moving to my nipple and sucking hard.

No one had ever done that. I’d never allowed anyone such liberty. His fingers rolled the other, and I jolted beneath him with the new sensation.

“Oh God,” he rasped, and when I looked up into his face, I saw him grimacing, like he was in pain, before taking a breath, as though getting control of himself. He retook my mouth, hard, but only for a moment.

I turned my head, breaking the kiss, and he lifted up, eyes clouded, pupils blown as he stared down at me.

“You can kiss like you mean it,” I murmured. “It’s okay. You’re not gonna hurt—”

The rest of my words were swallowed by his tongue slipping over mine, his mouth grinding, devouring, mauling, his teeth there, but not biting, more a nibble as he tasted me. His thigh pressed between mine, and I spread for him as his hands roamed, down, down, lower, to my cock straining against my zipper. He groped me, and my back arched off the bed as I tried to get closer.

“Fuck,” he growled and then rolled over, away from me, and I turned my head, terrified I’d done something wrong. “Do you understand that I have zero control where you’re concerned?” he said, getting up and starting to pace.