Page 24 of The Big Fix

“I know. Fuck. I’ll practice.” I lied. No matter what he thought, I was ready.

“No you won’t.”

He knew me so well. “I swear to you, it doesn’t need to come back and you don’t need to lecture me. I can take care of myself and others.”

“Fine,” Darius agreed, not sounding remotely certain.

“I was as good as you, D.”

“I’m not arguing that, but I have a team that backs me up for this very reason. Lee drives me insane, but I know damn well he’s a scalpel, whereas I’m a battering ram these days.”

“Yeah, all right.”

“I’ll make the arrangements,” he apprised me. “Once I’ve secured confirmation, whoever I find, instead of sending their jacket like regular, I’m just going to get them to you. We don’t have time for you to make a decision.”

“I told you I trust you,” I said defensively, sounding annoyed when really just hating the entire situation. I hadn’t felt this way in years.

“I know,” he clapped back, just as irritated for the same exact reason. Being in a position to try and find someone who was missing, that you loved, and having to protect yourself at the same time, was untenable.

“I haven’t said thank you.” I was starting to feel tired again, and I just woke up not hours before. The weight of everything was going to crush me.

“Nor do you need to, old friend.”

“I’ll talk to you,” I said and hung up.

An hour later, we were at the end of the runway and cleared for takeoff, on schedule. I hugged Dante goodbye. “You don’t have to come.”

“Fuck off,” Dante said and turned toward his plane, which was close to mine, refueling before departing.

Chris was already on my plane, stretched out, having a drink Jing made him, and I said goodbye to Garland, told him how much I appreciated him.

“I’ll see you in Bangkok, Colonel.”

Yes, he would.

Once I was aboard, Arden took the plane up smoothly, as always, and we were on our way back. I hoped my second time there would be more successful.

FIVE

Back in Bangkok, thinking about Owen, I found myself completely overwhelmed with hopelessness. I was never like that; I was always the guy who held out hope. But this was different. He was different. He was mine, and I had nothing and no one else I could lay claim to.

When we reached the hotel, Jing had checked us in under assumed names. As far as anyone knew, we were investors, friends of Aaron Sutter, there to look at property. I appreciated Aaron agreeing to the ruse and even creating a paper trail for us.

Jing made sure to get a suite large enough for an entire team, then went ahead and paid the manager to close the pool for the day. One of the dividends of having a considerable fortune was that it allowed for complete privacy when needed. I’d never been flashy or extravagant—I wasn’t Aaron Sutter—but Owen and I lived well, and when necessary, I allowed the privilege of money to work for me.

Swimming laps, I knifed through the water at a punishing pace, hoping that it would help clear my head. The heated twenty-meter infinity-edge pool was situated behind floor-to-ceiling glass walls that overlooked Sukhumvit—the shopping district—from a soaring ninety floors up, the dazzling nightscape of the city pulsing beneath. The hotel Hasana had booked us into was one of a ring of monolithic skyscrapers near the River of Kings, as King Rama the First had named it. I swam steadily for twenty laps before giving up and sitting on the edge of the pool, out of breath. The effort had done little to quell my troubling thoughts.

“Don’t kill yourself in the pool.” Chris yawned from his chaise lounge, beer in hand. “It won’t help anything.”

I squinted at him. “How do you stay in such great shape? All you’ve done is eat and drink on the plane, and then eat and drink since we got here.”

“Why’re you mad? I know you’re worried about your boy, but maybe don’t take it out on me.”

Finally, someone was calling Owen something reasonable. My boy. “You have kids, don’t you, Chris?”

His scowl was fast. “Yeah, but why would you bring that up?”

Good question. “I don’t—”