Page 39 of Queen of the Pole

“Ay, I’m telling you right now that if you go through my phone, you going to need Xanax when you done. Whatever the fuck you looking for, it’s right there. Just make sure you got a good therapist on speed dial,” his words told me everything that I needed to know.

Even though he said that to me, when he saw me take my eyes off him, and I used my finger to maneuver to his text messages, he still came over. Well, he attempted to come over, and take the phone out of my hands, but I turned into spider woman, jumping across the bed, and I ran for the other side of the room.

It was Obsession that was texting him. He was so locked in with this bitch, that he had her stored under her real name, which was Joy. The text messages that came in were images of different snacks. She sent about four pictures of snacks, with a text message that read, “Can you pick these up for me on the way over? Me and the baby are craving these”.

When I tell you that my fuckin chest caved in when I saw that…. I mean it. I just asked this nigga not too long ago if he had a baby on the way with her, but he swore he didn’t.

“Give me my fuckin phone, bruh! Deja, what the fuck is you on, man? I just lost money. The last thing that I’m trying to do is chase you around for my fuckin phone. Give me by shit back!” he ran in my direction, but I was quicker, running towards the bathroom, all the while trying to pull up other images because I was trying to see all the media that the two of them had been exchanging between one another.

I couldn’t lock the door in time, but I did see the media. The bitch was indeed pregnant, and he knew about it. I knew he was going to get the phone in a matter of seconds, so I had to quickly pull the images up, and look. There were pictures of the sonograph. She had a picture of Hitta in bed with her, kissing her stomach. I tried to open another video, but that’s when he was able to snatch the phone out of my hands. In less than an hour, I’d managed to get my heart crushed twice.

“You trippin! Since when you go through my phone?” that was all he had to say in response to what I just saw.

I blacked out on him and just started swinging. That sonograph picture, mixed with the picture of him kissing her on her stomach was plastered in my fuckin head. I jumped on him, landing blows, and he was trying to restrain me, and keep me from hitting him. I managed to get that stocking cap off his head and started pulling at his dreads. If I could kill this nigga in here with my bare hands, I promise I would do it.

“Deja, chill the fuck out! Chill the fuck out, man! You wildin!” he was finally able to restrain my arms, and he slammed us down onto the floor.

My head hit the tiled floor extremely hard, but I had so much built-up adrenaline running through my body, that I didn’t feel how hard the crash was.

He got a hold of my arms, held them over my head, as he looked down at me with a busted lip, and other scratches on his fact, chest, and arms.

“I asked you if that bitch was pregnant, and you told me no!” I screamed at him. I was so hurt that I started crying.

“I didn’t know how to tell you, bruh. I swear I didn’t keep that shit away from you to be sneaky. I knew it was going to hurt you! We just lost our baby earlier in the year, so I knew it was going to hurt you. Me, and Joy not together. We got a baby on the way, but we not together. You know fuckin well that you’re the only woman that I want to be with!” he barked at me.

“I saw the fuckin pictures, Hitta. Imagine the shit that I didn’t see. That bitch is texting you, telling you to bring her snacks. You were about to go over there. It’s pictures of you kissing her stomach. You are very much with that bitch. Stay over there. Go be with her and have a family. I let you do a lot of fucked up shit to me over the years, but I won’t stick around for you having a baby on me. I’m done. Let me up,” I screamed.

“Man, you not going no fuckin where. You going to stay here, and we going to work through our shit like we always do. I love your ass too much to let you leave me, man. You can call that bitch right now, and she’ll tell you that I’ve never told her that I love her. I swear I only be going over there, doing certain shit for her because I wanted to stay in her good graces. I didn’t want her to tell you that we had a baby on the way, so I had to move smart,” he was lying to me. I knew he was.

“Get the fuck off me, Hitta,” was all that I had the energy to say to him.

“No! You don’t know how to keep your hands to yourself. I don’t have faith that you won’t swing on me again if I let your arms go, so no. I’m not going to get up until you calm the fuck down,” he said.

With tears falling from my eyes still, I nodded my head at his words. I nodded my head as if I accepted the fact that I really allowed this man to play me like that. I knew this was the final straw. I knew that I didn’t have it in me to continue going through life with him. I couldn’t accept a baby. He knew that, and that’s why he went out of his way to keep it away from me.

“I swear to God I hate you. I’m not saying this shit to you out of anger, either. I really do hate your ass. You wonder why the kind of fucked up shit continues to happen to you. Yeah, you make good money putting those tickets in, but you lose a lot of money too. You want to know where the fuck I was the other night when you kept calling my phone, and I was declining your calls? You know, the night I turned my phone off on you? Fuck nigga, I was with Wolf. I didn’t even have to give the nigga any pussy, either. It was just my presence alone that he admired. I was sitting across from this billionaire ass nigga, and I wouldn’t give him a chance all because of the loyalty that I had for your stupid ass. I’m going to go out of my way to find him, and Ima let him fuck me too. I want your chest to cave the fuck in the same way mine just caved in when I had to see that shit on your phone!” I was so angry.

It wasn’t even like me to throw another man up in his face like that, but I had to let him know that he wasn’t the only nigga that I could pull. Here I am, turning niggas down on a daily, only for him to be on these field days with hoes.

“Yeah, and you going to get that pretty looking ass nigga killed. Go fuck him, and deal with the consequences. You’re a stripper, love. No disrespect, but I’m sure that nigga took you out because he wants to fuck you⁠—”

“Every time I tell you about a nigga being in my face, the first thing you want to tell me is that they only want to fuck me because I’m a stripper. Fuck nigga, if he wanted to fuck me, he could have tried something with me. I’ve been around him twice, when it was just the two of us, and he didn’t try anything with me. I’m sorry if you’ve only seen the women in your life be dogged out, so you think that all women are dogged out by men, and that all men only want pussy from women. I’m sorry if your mama got put on the streets by your daddy, and he was pimping her ass out⁠—”

“Pop!”

I never got the chance to finish what I was saying because he let go of my wrist, and he punched me right in my mouth. I didn’t see the punch coming. Hitta has never in his life put his hands on me. We’ve talked shit to each other, he’s jacked me up, but he’s never actually hit me.

I was shocked behind the hit. I threw something up in his face, that he’d expressed to me in private. Hitta had a very rocky relationship with his mother. Just like my mom, his mom wasn’t shit, and she missed out on a lot of his childhood. Hitta was the product of his mom being pimped out, so a lot of his life, he witnessed her getting treated like shit by his father, who was her pimp. Even with me knowing the hurt behind that, it still didn’t subject to him putting his hands on me.

Once reality hit me that he had put his hands on me, I swung back on his ass. I knocked him in his mouth, just like he’d knocked me in mine. I’m not sure if it was a mixture of him knowing the money that he’d lost tonight, mixed with what I just threw up in his face, plus the feeling of knowing that I was going to leave him for good this time, but the nigga blacked out.

He blacked out, and I became no match for him because he started beating the shit out of me. He was much stronger than I was, even though Hitta was a slim dude. I tried to keep up with him as much as I could, but during the blows that he was sending my way, it’s as if my body eventually gave out on me. It felt like this man was on top of me for about ten minutes, just sending blows my way.

“Shit! Deja, I’m sorry. Bae, I’m sorry,” he said, once he came back to, and relieved himself of whatever version he just transitioned into.

I was battered and bruised, feeling like I was laying down with broken bones. My eyes were so swollen that I could hardly see out of them. When he tried to reach down and grab me, so that he could pick me up off the floor, I screamed to the top of my lungs, telling him not to touch me. I kicked, and flailed my arms, as if he was a monster that I didn’t want touching me.

I’m not sure how I was able to do it, especially since I damn near stumbled each time that I tried to stand up, but I was able to pick myself off the bathroom floor, and I limped out. Hitta was behind me, continuously apologizing for what he’d done. I felt so broken as I grabbed my shoes that were siting by the front door, picked my purse up that was right there, and I struggled with getting the door unlocked, but I did it anyways.