Page 77 of 13 Rules For Fantastic Phone Sex

“He’s… ick,” she says, shaking her head as she leans against my doorway. “Have you watched Marin’s girlfriend experience thing? You didn’t make it to the watch party last night.”

“No, you took the night off, and we had two call offs—flu—and by the time I left, the party was over. I’ve been beat the last two nights, so I didn’t want to stay up and watch it. I’ll watch it tomorrow.”

“I was thinking about making some tacos and watching it tonight.”

“Tonight wins as long as Henry doesn’t call. I haven’t talked to him in days—he’s traveling in Eastern Europe and working a ton of hours on some merger thing. More importantly, will there be guacamole?”

“Fine. Tacos and guac.” She takes a seat on our secondhand couch and smiles. “I can’t believe it’s officially happening. May twenty-seventh, the phones will roll over to the California Girls service.” She says it, but she looks completely comfortable with it all. I’m about to jump out of my skin. My entire life will be changing, and she seems fine, and not passive-aggressive female fine—legitimately at peace with everything.

“I’m waiting for the lady with the generous curves to sing,” I say, but I don’t know how to feel. I never considered selling our business until the California people reached out.

“When will we tell everyone?” she asks.

“Four days.” I take a dainty sip of my too-hot tea. “Ana says we’re supposed to tell the staff when the deal is finalized Friday. We tell them once everything is signed and the California people take ownership. At least they can keep their jobs and work from home if they want.”

“I’m shocked that the three of us are able to keep this a secret.”

“Me too,” I say. “I keep waiting for someone to ask what I’m hiding. I’m super wound up about it.”

“I can appreciate that,” she says. “Who would have thought your 13 Rules would actually be valuable corporate secrets.”

“It’s our long call times that they found appealing. They don’t even know about the rules.” I flop into my chair and pick every little individual piece of lint off one arm. I’ve been having trouble making eye contact because I’m a giant traitor to the phone ho way of life, which is not getting off with callers. Sigh. No laws were broken, and I’m the first to admit I have thoroughly and completely enjoyed every second of getting off with Henry.

“Will you miss being Hunter?”

“Meh, when I got off the phones, I missed feeling powerful, wrapping men around my finger and messing with their heads, but surely that’s what a boyfriend is for?”

I laugh. She’s not wrong.

“I don’t miss fucking zombies or pretending to gag during phone blowjobs. I’ll miss our friends here, but I’m ready for the next great adventure,” she says, shaking her head. “Will you miss being Kait?”

Thoughts of Henry, his voice, and the laughter we’ve shared. “I won’t be anyone’s Kait anymore. That’s the only thing I’ll miss.” I stop for a moment before I confess the thing that’s been eating me up. “I’ve crossed lines being Kait that make me question who Kaitlin is. I’m also really afraid things will change, and that can’t be undone. If it goes badly, it will be painful.”

“Kaitlin, what does that mean? It’s not like there are phone sex police. Your rules are all self-imposed.”

“It’s worse than that. I broke the rule. The most ruliest rule, so ruley it doesn’t need to be a rule. And not just once.” I turn away, my cheeks and ears and even my neck hot like they’re going to combust. I fan myself with my hands and wait for Jess to scold me.

“The rule? What does that mean?” she asks, perplexed, but she starts to grin as she gets it. With a laugh, she asks, “Are you saying you had actual phone sex, like getting off? How was it? I’ve never had real phone sex. Was it good? I mean, there’s so much fuss about it. How was it really?” She stares at me like I’m going to answer that incredibly personal question.

“Uh…” Even the tips of my ears are hot, but I refuse to hide my face in my hands, until I do exactly that. “It was okay,” I say, the words muffled in my palms.

“You’re embarrassed because you had really good phone sex? You let go and let God?”

I flinch and nod, waiting for a rebuke.

“I’m so fucking proud of you! Jesus, take the wheel, Kaitlin, and by let go and let God, I mean oh god, oh god! Yes! Yes! Yes, oh my god, yes!”

Jessica. Is. An. Asshole.

“It was stupid to get off with a caller,” I say, flat and quiet. “Even if he is the amazing Professor Jackson Kennelly.”

Jessica throws a pillow at the side of my head, and I dodge, but it still hits me.

“It was amazing.” I let out a boisterous fake moan. “Zombie Paul is magnificent. Turns out zombies can last and last, being dead and all.”

She looks around for something else to throw, but she’s exhausted her supply of soft objects. “First, to categorize Henry as a caller is unfair. He’s more than that. Unless it was Zombie Paul? It wasn’t Zombie Paul, was it?”

“No, it wasn’t Paul, and it was mind-blowing.”