Page 48 of 13 Rules For Fantastic Phone Sex

“I don’t think about it, but I also have no control over it. Even if I can’t remember the name of the right song, I hear it in my head. It’s weird, but it’s not like I can change it.”

“I know,” I say. “But it’s still surprising every time you do it.”

“Any other deep, probing questions?”

Lacking a witty retort, I respond, “I have all kinds of thoughts and questions about you being deep and probing.”

Henry laughs at me. “That was a terrible line.”

“Well, yes, but it made you laugh. And yes, as a matter of fact, I do have questions. What are your middle names? What rests between Henry and Sterling? Why are you depriving me of what I need most, in the form of data about your names.” He loves holding out on me, taunting me with information I could probably find on the internet but I’m too stubborn to look up.

He makes a hmmmmm sound before he speaks. “I can’t remember my middle names. I’ll have to ask Saoirse—she’ll remember, hopefully. When I get tired, I can’t remember things well, and I’ve been traveling and didn’t have my favorite sleep aid last night. I bet I’ll have a better memory when you tell me what grad school program you are applying for.”

Lies. “Hmmmm. You’ve been sleeping like a baby. You said that since we got the private line and we’ve been doing lots of tuck-in calls, your sleep has improved.”

“That was before this moment. Suddenly, right now, today, I’m dying of tired. Or dying of death, isn’t that what you say? You’re dying of death.” He’s a lying liar of lies. He’s positively perky.

“Stop prevaricating.”

“That’s a fancy word, Kait, prevaricating. Lots of syllables.” I’d be thrilled if brainpower makes his dick perky.

I tease him. “Yes, I use big words. I’m a sapiosexual, keep up.”

“You sound smart, Kait.”

Yep. “Yes. I know. Stop. Prevaricating. And. Answer. The. Question, Henry Bradley Pitt-Sterling.”

“What question?” He’s enjoying this. He makes everything fun.

“What are your middle names?” I don’t care all that much about his middle names. It’s more the entertainment of trying to wheedle something out of him and the pleasure it gives him to deny me something I want. We should call it what it is: flirting.

“Neither of them are no, way, or Jose.”

“Answer the question. Stop trying to wiggle out of it and tell me.”

“Your Honor, opposing counsel is badgering the witness. You’re badgering the witness, Kait, and we can’t stand for that.”

“You’re such a lawyer.” I can’t help but smile. I always do when I’m talking to him. “Okay, we’ll do this your way. But remember, I asked nicely, and you were having memory problems. “

“Kaitykins, why do you sound scary all of a sudden? Are you threatening me?”

Why, yes, you should absolutely be concerned.

“Nothing to worry about, Henry Gertrude Maleficent Sterling, nothing at all. When we do it my way, remember that I gave you multiple chances. Call me later?”

“I would love nothing more than to call you this evening.”

“Awesome. Talk to you later, love monkey.” Coming up with a new pet name for him every time we talk sparks real freaking joy.

“Bye, babes.”

I suspect he enjoys it just as much.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

HENRY

“DO I WANNA KNOW” — ARCTIC MONKEYS