Page 91 of Home of the Brave

21

VICTORIA

This was stupid. I was the one who told Josh I wanted to keep things professional, yet I was sulking around, waiting for him to appear like he always did with that little smile and calming presence.

I did this to myself.

He was giving me space because I had asked for it.

Plus, he didn’t have my phone or room number, so what did I expect? That he’d magically show up cause his spidey senses were tingling?

Nope, I made this bed, and I had to suffer in it.

It wasn’t even like I made the choice without considerable thought. The moment he was pulled from the end of the game, I knew he’d be upset. I understood on a personal level. I got it.

And I didn’t want to be another factor distracting him.

No, that was a cop-out.

He was a grown man and could decide whether or not he could handle adding me to his circle. Because we weren’t dating.

Not yet.

We were friends.

Barely.

Acquaintances that kissed.

I wanted to keep things professional because I was scared.

Because I didn’t feel like he was just an acquaintance.

I felt more than that, and I didn't want to.

So stopping things now before they progressed was the right choice.

We lived on opposite sides of the country. Our schedules were completely different. There was no future, so why waste both our time, even if only for a few days?

Okay, fine.

That wasn’t entirely all of the truth either.

Athletes were volatile creatures, with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. He had a low day and managed it better than expected, honestly.

But I’d dated players before. Their emotions were exhausting to navigate at the best of times.

How could I go through that long distance? How could I comfort him when I was three hours ahead? There’d be days he didn’t want to talk, and I’d internalize that and make it about me, about us.

I didn’t want to go through that again because I’d done it before and it had not ended well.

Could Josh be different? Sure.

Did I want to go through the heartache to find out? No.

So it wasn’t just one thing.

It was a well-informed decision that was in the best interest of myself. I’d like to think it was for him too, but I didn’t want to overstep.