Page 51 of Home of the Brave

He peered at me out of the corner of his eye. “Same.”

I shook my head and faced forward.

Something shifted between us last night at dinner, more than the truce we’d silently declared when I apologized.

We parted feeling more like friends.

Well, I don’t generally notice the golden flecks in my friend’s eyes or the way the right side of their mouth tilts higher when they smile.

Or how nice he smelled this close up.

Focus, Victoria. Just because he was being nice to you now didn’t mean you get to go and turn into a fangirl.

I am a professional.

When there are cameras or recorders around.

But it was just the two of us, hidden in the shadows.

“You would have gone pro.”

I didn’t reply.

“You would have been down there.”

As if I hadn’t thought that a thousand times.

“I know,” I finally admitted.

He leaned his elbow on the rest, away from me. “ACL tears are no joke.”

I reached out and rubbed my left knee out of habit. It still ached from time to time. “No, they are not.”

“Does journalism satisfy the craving?”

I glanced at him, but he was looking down at the moving figures.

“Craving?”

He nodded. “The absolutely consuming need to compete?”

I slowly let out a breath. I knew exactly what he was talking about and shouldn’t have been surprised he asked. Most, if not all, of the players I interview have that same hunger. It's essential to reaching a high level, like college or the pros.

“Not really,” I finally admitted.

“But you thought it would?”

“I hoped.” I didn’t talk about this with anyone. Not my family or friends, even though a lot of them would understand since most of them were athletes at some point. “I wanted, or needed rather, to stay close.”

“It’s either that or run in the opposite direction.”

“Sometimes I wonder if that would have been easier.” I couldn't believe I’d admitted that.

“Then facing the constant reminder?”

Part of me appreciated that he didn’t look at me. It added a layer of privacy, of comfort to say these things. But I also wanted to know what he was thinking.

I peeked at him. “Yeah, but hockey is all I’ve ever known. I’m not sure who I would be without it in my life in some way.”