Page 24 of I Love You, It’s Ruining My Life

I wondered if Jack was trying to make me snap, to stoop to his level so I’d finally be the villain he’d painted me as. He wanted me to be as horrible as he was, so he could blame me for his problems. Or he just wanted everyone to be miserable. One of the two.

For the first time, I truly saw how the RaineFall fandom saw me, reflected in Jack’s words and actions — and honestly, it was a miracle I hadn’t snapped under the pressure back then. I’d protected myself better than I’d thought. And then I wondered what my life would've looked like if I’d snapped?

An entire plot formed in my mind: a mystery, a girl who’d been turned into a villain by society, and everyone assumed she was the murderer — but she wasn’t. I ran to my door, startling Sylvie enough she almost fell off her favorite branch, terrified I was about to lose the story.

It was my story, and it wasn’t. It had the torture I’d gone through from the forced exposure, while also exploring what might've happened if I’d let my fury out. If I chose to keep my name on the book, I knew the hook from a marketing perspective: I just had to incorporate the rockstar world everyone associated me with. It didn’t matter I had nothing to do with the industry; instead, it let me imagine how things would be different if I did.

I hadn’t felt a story come alive like this since high school, and I was terrified I’d lose it. I spent hours working, my attention split between a loose outline in a notebook and constantly refilling paper into my typewriter.

The story was simple: the main character was accused of the murder of her rockstar ex-boyfriend, who'd used her to skyrocket to fame, only to betray her. The red herrings, the twists, even the murderer came to me so quickly it felt like I’d been granted water after years of not being able to drink.

I’d never wanted to write about my pain; I'd always thought nobody would want to hear my side of the story. And to a degree, that still seemed true. But instead of anxiety, I found myself filled with relief I could tell my story, even if nobody wanted to hear it.

The world had wanted me to crash and burn, and instead I’d let myself dim to flickering embers. But now? I was awake, and I was ready to let my passion burn.

Chapter eighteen

Kameron

Jack wasn’t allowed in the house.

Cassidy had made it clear she wanted nothing to do with him, and truthfully, I didn’t either. I had no idea what he wanted or why he’d shown up — and for someone trying to put the band back together, my brother was burning bridges left and right.

Jack let me know he was coming over, and when the cab dropped him off, he at least had the good sense to look sheepish. He was still in the same crumpled clothes as yesterday, but he’d taken a shower and brushed his hair enough he looked almost presentable. Dark circles looked like they’d made a home under his eyes, and while he was clearly hungover, I doubted he was going to complain about it.

“Hey,” Jack said, attempting to smile as he walked towards the porch, and it was obvious he was expecting Cassidy to pop out and hug him. Or at least be invited inside. It took him a few seconds of confused blinking to realize neither was going to happen.

“How much do you remember from yesterday?” I asked, motioning for him to sit in the same chair he’d insulted me from not even twelve hours ago. Jack didn’t seem shocked I was forcing him to face the consequences of his actions — but I wasn’t sure if it meant he hadn’t figured out how angry I was.

“Not a ton,” Jack groaned, “Is Cass still sleeping?”

“She doesn’t want to see you,” I matter-of-factly explained, “and I can’t blame her. She heard everything you said yesterday.” Shame filled my twin’s face, and internally I had to remind myself I couldn’t immediately forgive him. I’d enabled him so much that unless I wanted to be sitting here doing this again and again, I needed to let him have actual consequences.

“Oh…” Jack said, looking even more guilty than I’d expected.

“What were you thinking?” I snapped, years of venom coming out I didn’t even mean to, “Cassidy has been upset since you showed up. And what you said about Nalini? Of all your faults, I’ve never thought you’d sink low enough to be that disrespectful to a woman — even if you hated her. And what you said was disgusting. I get you don’t like her, but it doesn’t mean you can dehumanize her into a sex object because of it!.”

“I…” Jack started, and I prepared myself for whatever excuse he’d come up with. “I can’t keep going on like this.”

“Jack, what’s going on?” I finally asked, sitting in the chair next to him, “You’ve been pushing to bring RaineFall back, but then this happens, which isn’t a great indicator we should. Every conversation Noah and I have with you is about RaineFall, but anything else we try to talk to you about is ignored. And everyone’s noticed how nasty things got with Stef. You’ve always been self-destructive, but this seems like it’s on a different level.”

“You remember when Natalie left, right?” Jack mumbled, “She’d been cheating with that weird alt-rock guy, Matt Lewis, and married him the moment our divorce was finalized. Well, the reason Stef and I didn’t work out is I found her in bed. With him. Who’s still married to Nat, by the way. And something in me just… snapped. All I could think about was how much easier life was when we were RaineFall, and how I wished we could go back. So… I just figured, why not?

“Jack,” I sighed, “I get it. But things weren’t easy back then. Dad was stealing our money, and Mom was trying to bankrupt us. And all three of us were…floundering trying to handle it. And that fight… honestly, it’s amazing we’re even on speaking terms again. However, none of it explains how you ended up here.”

“Right,” Jack winced, sinking into his chair, “I was at a party, and Matt and Stef showed up. Clearly trying to rub their affair in my face, because they start making out as soon as they see me. I just thought… one drink would make me less miserable, and then I just… couldn’t stop.” He sighed, “And the next thing I knew, I was here. And it just… I know I messed everything up. I’ve always been jealous you’ve got everything together. You figured out how to do the rockstar thing and the family thing. Balanced it all out. And then Nalini was here… and I don’t even remember what I said, but I doubt it was good.”

“That’s an understatement,” I deadpanned, “but I wasn’t good at balancing it all out. Once Cassidy was born, both you and Noah hated how much time I spent with her and Julia. You specifically picked a lot of fights about how I wasn’t as dedicated to the band because of them. And there were so many of Cassidy’s milestones I missed, like her first word and steps. I was being pulled in two different directions, and I wasn’t truly there for either side the way I needed to be.”

Jack paused for a moment, slouching in the chair in a way that looked equal parts dramatic and uncomfortable. His shoulders were shaking, and it was obvious he was holding back tears. I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed, reminding him I was there, even though I doubted it felt that way to him.

“RaineFall isn’t coming back, is it?” Jack quietly asked, tears slowly falling down his cheeks, and he looked like he was giving up on a dream I hadn’t realized he’d hung so tightly onto.

“With how we are right now? No,” I said, shaking my head. “We have too much baggage, and Jack, for this to work, you need to go get help. Real professional help. I know I'd told you before I wouldn’t bring it up again as long as you were sober around Cassidy but…”

“I can’t even do that right,” Jack groaned, and I didn’t let myself roll my eyes, not when he seemed to finally be having the breakthrough he’d needed for years.

“You hurt her, Jack,” I reminded him, “To the point she doesn’t even want to see you. And you’ve hurt Noah and me so many more times than this. I’m not saying RaineFall will never come back, and honestly, I miss it. I miss being on stage, writing songs, and performing. But if we do this, we need to be better this time around. Learn from our mistakes, figure out how to fix things without it ruining us again. We can’t do that unless we’re all willing to put in the work.”