Page 14 of I Love You, It’s Ruining My Life

“What happened?” I gently asked, half tempted to pull over and hold her in my lap while she cried. We were close enough to the school I feared that would embarrass her further. Instead, started driving downtown, toward The Apothecary. If there was ever a time for ice cream, this was it. It took a few minutes for her to calm down enough to talk, her voice barely audible as she started.

“There was a helper in class today,” Cassidy explained, her words punctuated by a sniffle as she tried to wipe away her tears. “She was really rude and told me Mom had to sign up to volunteer in class. And I tried to say you could, but she said it had to be Mom.”

It took everything in me not to slam on the brakes, go back to the school, and chew out whoever said this. Even though it’d only do more harm than good, the volunteer was probably long gone. I was sure her teacher had taken care of it, but it was obviously too little too late. But I’d be going in before school tomorrow just to check.

“I’m sorry,” I sighed. I knew my apology wouldn’t fix things, and I knew grief came with ebbs and flows. I wished my daughter wasn’t caught in the middle of it. “I miss Mom too. There’s always going to be people who don’t care what we’re going through, and I’m sorry you had to deal with it today.”

“I just miss Mom,” Cassidy wailed. I pulled over, allowing her to process her feelings as my heart broke with hers, “And then we came here, and she’s disappeared. All of her stuff was at our old house, but now she’s… gone!”

“Oh, Cass,” I whispered, feeling terrible. I hadn’t realized that was why she’d been so upset. I knew Cassidy was still grieving her mother, and her therapist was doing a great job of helping her process it. This was the first time she’d told me exactly what the problem was, instead of me having to guess. It was a good sign, and yet heartbreaking I’d missed so much. “You know, I brought Mom’s stuff with us.”

“You did?” she whimpered.

“Of course I did! I’m not trying to forget Mom,” I assured her, “I just… you know when something hurts so bad, you pretend it doesn’t exist?”

“Dr. Hannah says you’re not supposed to do that,” Cassidy sniffled, though I was glad she was quoting her therapist.

“Yeah, I know Dr Hannah is right,” I nodded, “but I think that’s how I was about unpacking your Mom’s stuff. Because I miss her, and it reminds me that she’s gone. But… I think it’s time for me to be brave. So… how about we get some ice cream, and then we take Mom’s things out of the boxes?”

“What about homework?” Cassidy asked.

“I’m giving you the night off,” I assured her. “I’ll talk to Ms. Phillips about it tomorrow.”

The night was full of ice cream and pizza, as touches of Julia began to fill the house. Pictures of our wedding and the vacations the three of us had enjoyed. Her Olympic medals were on display in our living room. Cassidy had never been good at ice skating, but she’d always loved going to the rink with Julia — so we pulled up a few of her mom’s old routines to watch.

We brought Julia back as much as we could with stories and memories, and by the time she went to bed, Cassidy was calmer. And while I was glad she was, I felt even more guilty than I had when I'd first picked her up from school. Even with the touches of Julia all over the house, there was a part of me that worried Cassidy still thought I was erasing her mother. I knew I had to work to make sure she never felt that way again.

“Mr. Raine!” Cassidy’s teacher said as I walked into the classroom first thing in the morning. Liam found Cassidy the moment we arrived, and they immediately started talking about their game. While a good night’s sleep had definitely helped my daughter, time had only made me angrier at what happened. “Is something wrong?”

“Please call me, Kameron,” I said, a little apprehensive she hadn’t figured out why I was here. “I'd sent an email last night and I wanted to come in and talk to you about something that happened yesterday?”

“Oh, I hadn’t gotten to my inbox yet,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m surprised you don’t go by Kam. I think that’s what the world knows you as.”

“Only when I’m playing bass,” I said, trying to be polite, but I knew the look in Ms. Phillips’ eyes: the one that screamed she’d been a giant RaineFall fan growing up. My gut was telling me she was one of the few fans who chose me as their favorite, but I hoped I was wrong and she was a bigger fan of my brothers. “Anyway, I’m here to talk about your volunteer from yesterday.”

“Oh, that misunderstanding?” Ms. Phillips said, “I didn’t think it was a huge deal.”

“You didn’t think it was a huge deal your volunteer pushed my daughter to tears by insisting her dead mother had to join the volunteer rotation?” I asked for clarification, “And that’s a misunderstanding?”

“We just don’t see a lot of… or any dads helping out,” the teacher explained, “And I doubt she realized Cassidy’s mother passed and…”

“Ms. Phillips…” I started.

“Please, call me Maya,” she said, flipping her blonde hair like she was on a date. I felt the familiar shudder pass through me of understanding: she definitely had my poster on her wall when she was growing up, and if I had to guess, she still had that crush on me now.

“Ms. Phillips,” I said through gritted teeth, “If it were your mother who passed away, how would you feel if someone demanded she show up, just because it’s how things were always done? Would you be upset? Is this how you treat your students in foster care? With restraining orders? It’s quite alarming you don’t understand why Cassidy and I are both upset at the situation.”

“Oh,” she said, as if the thought never occurred to her. “I guess I was too focused on trying to make sure everything was normal for her. I should’ve tried to see things from her point of view.”

There was something off about her excuse; nobody in their right mind would think this situation was “making sure things were normal for her.” There was nothing I could go to the principal with, but enough I’d be on my guard around her.

“Just don’t let it happen again,” I said, preparing to leave before the kids came in for the morning.

“Don’t worry, it won’t,” the woman said, her flirtatious smile returning, “but… before you go. Have you considered Cassidy might need a woman’s influence at home? I know you’re doing your best, but she’s at that age where part of the problem might be… her needing a woman’s presence, and I’m sure you’re lonely. If you’re interested, we could…”

“Not interested, and that’s completely out of line,” I interrupted. “Considering the reason Cassidy was upset was she misses her mother, having a new woman in her life doesn’t seem to be the smartest idea. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” I left the room before Maya could suggest any more terrible ideas.

I hadn’t thought of dating since Julia died, though plenty of people had tried to set me up. But this? It was so uncomfortable on a visceral level that my next stop ended up being the Principal’s office after all. If her teacher was like this, no wonder Cassidy was having a hard time. The Principal agreed to talk to Ms. Phillips and promised if things didn’t change, we could move Cass at the semester. It was fair; I was a believer in second chances, but my stomach turned over the more I thought about it. The way she tried to ask me out, the way she acted like Julia was replaceable — I didn’t think things could get better when we’d started on this foot. I’d try; I didn’t want Cassidy to deal with questions about why she was moved out of her class, but I’d be keeping an eye on the teacher. Any trust I had in her shattered, and I hoped she wasn’t using her position as Cassidy’s teacher to get to me.