Page 12 of I Love You, It’s Ruining My Life

“Bye, Mr. Frank!” Cassidy smiled as she practically skipped out of the store with her things, more excited than I'd seen her in a long time. Maybe things weren’t going to get better for me in Briar Hill, but Cassidy had already come into her own here. And it made all my misery worth it.

Chapter nine

Nalini

Istared at the typewriter on my desk. It was the most intimidating thing in my apartment. I’d taken it out of my closet and put it back a few times. I’d debated throwing it in the dumpster even more times than that. I was glad I hadn’t. I’d been joking about the books, but was pleasantly surprised when Kameron bought them anyway. It was clear he wanted to try to fix things, and against my better judgment, I decided to let him.

Misty was thrilled. Peri was appalled.

I hadn’t been sure why he’d come back to Briar Hill. I knew his wife died, but I’d assumed Kameron was still as famous as his brothers. But money problems? From someone who’d toured the world on multiple occasions? It sounded like his wife’s medical treatments cost more money than I’d imagined, and if he hadn’t kept making music, I saw how it'd add up. Briar Hill was safe; it was where he’d grown up, and it was clear Cassidy belonged here.

I could tolerate his reasoning for moving back — I could even sympathize with it. But I wasn’t sure how to be friends with Kameron anymore. We were completely different people. He had a whole marriage; he was a Dad. Even with his rockstar days behind him, there were only glimpses of the person I used to know. Misty might have been right about my crush on him before, but despite everything, he was as good as a stranger now.

And I didn’t do well with strangers.

Kameron chose to come back, while I was still stuck in Briar Hill. I couldn’t leave this bubble without being sucked back into the life RaineFall forced on me, and I didn’t want to change my name so I could go out in public. I loved my name, despite all the trouble it caused me, and changing it felt like it was letting Jack win.

I decided to use the typewriter as a distraction, but instead, it was a reminder of how much I’d changed. How much my dreams had changed. How I was resentful of the most thoughtful gift I’d ever gotten in my life. My younger self would've been all over it — she was the one who'd been convinced we’d become a New York Times Bestseller, even if it cost her blood, sweat, and tears. She was the one who always had four notebooks on her at all times, just in case a new story idea popped into her head.

That Nalini had been full of dreams and imagination and life. Now I was sitting at a desk in a crappy little apartment, my ball python staring at me from her tank as if she was trying to figure out what I was doing. I was right there with Sylvie; I didn’t know what I was doing either. All that was left was depression, disappointment, and exhaustion — and I wasn’t interested in writing the kind of “serious” fiction where those were the default settings.

I had no ideas; I had a blank piece of paper loaded into the typewriter, but no words to put on it. And yet, the keys called to me in a way a blank document on my computer never did. I felt a story inside of me, waiting to be unlocked. I placed my fingers on the cold keys, a jolt of electricity running through my hands. I closed my eyes, took a breath…

And my phone buzzed, ruining the moment.

A strange feeling of regret and relief filled me as I checked who’d messaged me, and my eyes narrowed when I saw it was Kameron. I was curious, but apprehensive. Yes, I’d just decided to attempt to figure out how to coexist with him, but I didn’t realize we were back on texting terms.

The Terminator

Any chance you know anything about Dice & Dragons?

It was so casual, so normal. It’d been obvious Cassidy was excited about the game, considering how animated she'd been with Frank. But I wasn’t sure talking to Kameron when I was feeling like this was the best way to sort through my current emotions. Especially when my emotions were still somewhat convinced I should block his number. I was prepared to ignore it and leave him on read, but my fingers and heart had a completely different plan.

Nalini

Can’t help you. There’s too much math. I’ve heard the kids talk about it.

The Terminator

Math?

THERE’S MATH??????

Nalini

So much math. Any time Liam talks about it during YWG, I zone out.

The Terminator

How is there MATH in a MAKE BELIEVE game?

Cassidy just got back from her first session, and she’s now obsessed.

How do I talk to her about this?

DOES SHE REALIZE THERE’S MATH IN IT????????

I burst out laughing, much to my surprise. It felt normal, like no time had passed. It was a world where Kameron wasn’t the stranger I’d believed him to be. Maybe that was why he'd texted me — he knew I had a soft spot for Cassidy and I wouldn’t be able to resist.