Page 44 of A Bookish Story

I’m outraged on Ryan’s behalf. Just the idea that someone would send off unedited pages is anathema to my brain. It’s unthinkable to do this without the author’s permission and particularly with such a private matter. I’m furious on his behalf.

“It’s…it’s a breach of privacy, of intimacy.”

My heart is racing and pumping. I feel the pounding beat in my eyes.

Ryan nods. “Anyway, my agent read the pages. She assumed I was okay with it, or this is what she tells me, since it came through my wife at the time. You can imagine my response when she said she loved the premise and wanted to talk about making it into a book. She tried to sell me on romance, and how it’s a bestselling genre. I had no idea what she meant by my pages and when she explained, I hung up on her. We didn’t speak for three weeks.”

“I don’t blame you. But at some point, you decided to do this.”

“After Kate wouldn’t leave me alone I eventually agreed to consider publishing a romance. Kate promised me a great deal of money if we worked hard to tailor it to the market. But it took a year of back and forth, revisions, cuts, with Kate always promising me more and more. By then Millie and I were divorced.” He lowers his shades, shaking his head. “I thought I’d get an advance, sell a few copies, move on. I had no idea it would all blow up like this thanks to a reality star that somehow saw her husband in Grayson and loved the book. Believe me, I don’t understand any of this.”

“Gosh, if you’d just been honest with me from the start, I would have had more sympathy for you. It’s been tough to feel sorry for someone who has met with your success almost accidentally.”

“And that’s just the point. I never wanted you to feel sorry for me. I would have kept this from you forever. Keep in mind, I’m used to writing in anonymity like most authors. Despite what Kate promised, I thought this book would be forgotten. But readers of love stories are voracious and dedicated and…we don’t give them enough credit.”

I smirk. “We’ve established that.”

“Anyway, I’m not allowed to be angry. This book changed my life. It was good therapy, too.”

“As you recently said to me, ‘you don’t have to like her’ and you’re allowed to be mad at your ex.”

“It feels like forever ago when I wrote the book. I barely recognize that man. And the truth is the final version is entirely different from what I intended.”

“But…you were saying your ex knows about me?”

“That’s the reason she wanted to meet.” Ryan turns to face the ocean and the gray color of the waves. “When she asked about the book, I told her it was being released under a pen name and that we’d hired a kind of reverse ghostwriter to play Elizabeth.”

I consider this. It seemed inevitable that the ex would have to know everything. But I feel somehow exposed and seen in a way Ryan’s publisher didn’t prepare me to face.

The fog is set to roll in as it does nearly every afternoon. It’s hovering in the distance, waiting to cover us with gray.

Ryan keeps talking. “She wanted to meet because she somehow thinks this book means more than it does. For me, the book has become a product I was able to sell. For her, it’s our love story. Let me assure you, it’s not.”

Ryan’s reluctance to fully embrace his book, his desire to keep a distance from it, makes more sense than ever.

Publishing the book kept a tie to his ex-wife that he no longer wants.

CHAPTER 16

If I was the one writing this story, I’d choose a different twist. Definitely not the ex-wife returning. Not that it matters.

“Are you getting back together?” I ask.

He laughs. “No. There’s zero chance.”

My heart feels like a pulsing vein, centered right on my forehead. I like this answer more than I should. This has nothing to do with me nor should I care, but apparently my heart isn’t getting the message.

“I can’t believe you’d ever speak to her again. She…she sent in something you wrote for her. It wasn’t for public consumption.”

“No one else understands it the way a writer does. But look what happened. It led to a big payoff for me when I’ve barely made a living as a writer until now. Should I be upset?”

“Of course! Just because the outcome is good, that doesn’t mean the original intent was honorable.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry, but you’d be crazy to try again with someone who betrayed your trust.”

“I would be, and don’t worry, I’m not crazy.”