Page 49 of Matilda’s Summer of New Beginnings

I squished the idea down of a nameless, shapeless blob sprawled out next to me, dozing in the sun. Fought back the idea of me laying down, my head in his lap (oh, the blob had assumed a gender now, had it?), refused to consider me snoozing comfortably secure in the warmth of Jay’s body . . .

‘Oh stop it!’ I told myself firmly, and out loud. Not only had my companiable blob assumed a gender, it also now had an identity, and that was just bonkers. I was on holiday. I was escaping real life for a few days — nothing more than that. It was mad to think about Jay and I ever being in that kind of relationship. In his mind, I was certain I was simply a friend and useful co-worker, nothing else.

I tried not to think about the almost-kiss last night — if indeed it had been one — in case that made me consider it further, and to focus on the task at hand. That task was to sit down on the conveniently placed bench, and ring Rosie.

My heart was pounding ridiculously as I dialled her number. I’d basically ghosted her since Friday lunchtime, and I wasn’t sure what my reception would be.

I needn’t have worried though.

‘Matilda? Tell me that’s you and you haven’t been savaged by one of Mrs Pom-Pom’s hounds and this is Jay ringing me from your phone to tell me?’

‘Two things — who is Mrs Pom-Pom, and why would Jay use my phone to ring you? Wouldn’t he use his own?’ But I was smiling as I said those words, and a huge sense of relief flooded through me.

‘Mrs Pomeroy — from Padcock Court. Come on, you must have noticed her headwear? And her hounds.’

‘The lady with the rainbow bobble hat? With Arfur and Umbert? Of course! The hounds are hers and . . . yes. I can see how her nickname might have come about.’

‘Yeah, and Jay might have been with you, and tossed his phone away as a distraction to stop the hounds licking you to death, and then your phone would be his only means of contact. Voila.’

‘Or his phone could have been slobbered on.’

‘And deemed useless. Yes!’ She laughed. ‘It is all eminently possible.’

‘It is. But no. It’s me. Me on my phone, ringing you. I’m sorry I disappeared on Friday. It was just a shock, you know. To hear your news. But thank you for telling me before I — read — it.’ Well done, Matilda, well done. Maintain that façade of reading the damn magazine . . .

‘You think you were shocked?’ she said. ‘Think how I felt when I found out. And Damien . . .’ Her voice petered out and I suddenly got all defensive for her. Stupid Damien with his stupid, immature attitude . . .

‘Was he vile? Was he horrible? Did he ask whose it was when you told him? Sure, I’ll . . .’

‘Good God, Matilda, no! Nothing like that! He was lovely — absolutely lovely.’ Oh. ‘Said it was everything he’d ever dreamed of having, and all these bloody marvellous things were happening to him and he was the luckiest man in the entire world blah blah blah. Me, the baby, his exhibition . . .’ Again, her voice petered out. ‘Aah. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned the exhibition.’

I shook my head then. Because I knew she couldn’t see me, I spoke. ‘No. Honestly. I think I’m over that one. Well over it. I had a look at Julio’s, didn’t I? And it’s just not for me. I think, in reality, I’m too much of a shrinking violet to do anything like that. I don’t want my face on publicity posters. I don’t want to have to fake it until I make it. I’m just me. I’m happier being under the radar. I mean—’ I stopped, before I said too much, but Rosie knew me far too well and pushed the point. Those bloody journo instincts of hers . . .

‘What exactly do you mean, Matilda?’

‘I mean that I think I’m going to leave London. Do something else with my life. It’s the best time to experiment, isn’t it, when you’ve got no commitments. Ah . . . sorry. You’ll have mega commitments soon. I don’t mean it’s a bad thing to have commitments. It’s just — not for me at the moment.’ I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. ‘And I’m sorry if I was an idiot when you told me. If it’s what you want, and if you and Damien are happy, then I’m an arse and shouldn’t have behaved so selfishly.’

‘You’re not an arse,’ replied Rosie quickly. ‘And you didn’t do anything wrong. You weren’t selfish. You needed some space and you took it. It’s called self-care. If anything, I was in the wrong. I shouldn’t have sneaked around without letting you know I was back with Damien. Shouldn’t have hidden it all from you. That was silly. Silly, silly, silly.’

I could just imagine her shaking her head sorrowfully. ‘Forget it,’ I said. ‘I love you Rosie-Rivs.’ My voice was trembling and I knew I was going to cry soon if I didn’t get a grip on myself.

‘Loves you too, Matilda-Matty. Look, I don’t mean to hurry you back, but do you know when you’ll be back? I have an important job for you.’

‘Umm, no. I don’t know. Jay’s asked me to help at the pub tonight, and I promised Polly I’d give her a hand in the tea room until she finds her feet. Does that make me a meddler or a pushover or what?’ Saying all that out loud sounded as if I was really getting my feet under the table at Padcock! ‘But I only have Monday off work, which is totally crap, so I’d say Tuesday at the latest.’

‘All that makes you helpful,’ said Rosie firmly. ‘So long as you’re happy to do it and you’re not being used.’

‘I am happy, and I’m not feeling used. I like to be busy, and I like to help people. And I’d say no if I didn’t want to do any of it,’ I offered. It was the truth.

‘Good. Well, I’ll have to ask you this over the phone then.’ I heard her take a deep breath. ‘I want you to make my wedding dress. And I want you to make your bridesmaid dress.’

I swear my heart stopped beating for a second. ‘Rosie! Do you know how high risk all that is?’ I exclaimed.

‘I do! And that’s why I asked you. But honestly, you can say no if you want to. Promise I won’t get upset. Promise that your very best, very pregnant, very hormonal friend will not get upset if you say no. Promise.’

‘My very blackmailing friend! Three, Rosie. That’s three reasons you’ve given me not to say no. How could I even consider saying no to someone who’s pregnant, hormonal and my very best friend? Of course I’ll do it! I’d be honoured to. But listen — I am not making Damien anything. Do you understand? Nothing. Not even a cravat. He’s Damien, for goodness sake!’

Rosie burst out laughing. ‘Oh Matilda, that’s why we both love you so much. Thank you.’