Page 38 of Matilda’s Summer of New Beginnings

‘Oh! I was just playing with them. With the ideas, I mean. It’s been fun. Thanks for suggesting it. That pdf is my best friend at the minute — sorry.’ I pulled a face. ‘I mean, technically Rosie is, but . . .’ I let the conversation drift. ‘Anyway. Nobody’s seen the pictures really. Except Damien. He was in my bedroom one night, and spotted them. He liked them.’

‘Damien was in your bedroom?’ Jay sounded startled and I looked up at him. He looked startled as well. ‘In your actual bedroom? At night?’

‘Gosh.’ I shook my head. ‘Yeah, that sounds bad, doesn’t it? I mean he’s actually sleeping with Rosie, not me, so why would he have been in my bedroom? I’ll tell you — it’s because Rosie and I swapped rooms, and he stumbled in thinking it was still hers. Ugh.’ I shuddered. ‘And considering that’s your sister I’m talking about, I’m going to shut up now.’

‘She’s an adult. She can sleep with whoever she likes.’ But Jay’s face didn’t reflect this sensible comment. ‘Okay — yes, she’s my kid sister and ugh.’ He shook his head. ‘But you know, I’m kind of pleased Damien is with her. Because for a while, I thought he was with you.’ Then Jay went a bit red. ‘I mean, not that it matters to me who you sleep with, either.’ I blinked and stared at him. ‘I mean, he’s just not the person for you.’

I couldn’t help it. I asked, ‘Why not?’

But if I was hoping for some sort of declaration that Jay had fancied me for years etc. etc., I didn’t get it.

‘Ummm — because you’re too competitive?’ He didn’t sound that sure, really. ‘I think that can work, sometimes, say if you’re Edie and Ninian, urging each other on to do better and raise more money for that charity and get bigger and better exhibitions, but you and Damien.’ He shook his head. ‘You’d just fight with each other and, the way Rosie tells it, I suspect it could ruin a friendship never mind a relationship.’

I sighed. ‘You’re not wrong.’ I put my phone back in my pocket. ‘Damien and I go way back. He’s like my brother, and, just like with my biological brother, we fight and argue. We’ve usually got each other’s backs, though, which makes this Machismo thing worse. I still don’t agree with it all though, you know, with their “ethos”.’ I made bunny ears with my fingers around the word. ‘But if I tell him, it’ll just come across as sour grapes. Especially because he made no bones about the fact they wouldn’t take my work, and it wasn’t even worth me asking them because a) they are misogynists, and because b) basically my work is rubbish compared to his.’ Yes, that still stung. ‘And even though he’s knocked up my best friend and they’re about to make me homeless, I don’t want to lose him as a friend.’ I paused for a moment and stared at Edie’s little paintings. ‘Wow. I sound quite horrible, don’t I?’

‘No. You’re just being honest. And if those pictures on your phone are anything to go by, your work is definitely not rubbish. Now come on, let’s get these coffees before Cerys closes for the day, and I have to head to the pub for my shift.’

‘Good idea.’ I shook my head, as if to clear it, and we headed back to the café area.

The coffee was lovely, but I did feel Polly’s eyes on me the whole time I was drinking, and I won’t lie — I was quite happy to leave the shop afterwards and retreat to the safety of the Spatchcock before the Planning commenced.

Chapter Fourteen

I’d been told to be in the bar at half past six. This, Jay assured me, would be before the crowds came in, and allow me to inhabit the table he had asked Sam to reserve for me.

That allowed me enough time to fully enjoy the big, wallowy bath in my suite upstairs. And enjoy it I did, without Rosie banging on the door and asking when I’d be finished so she could have a shower/bath/use the loo.

In fact, sometimes, Rosie even barged in and used the loo when I was in the tub, chatting away, while she had the wee she was so ‘desperate for, Tilds!’ I’d often lie there and squeeze my eyes shut, in an odd parody of “If I can’t see her, she can’t see me”, whilst tugging the shower curtain to a close to give us both some privacy. The shower curtain had lots of friendly multi-coloured fish and sea creatures printed on. I was going to miss that shower curtain.

But I wasn’t going to miss Rosie’s company in the bathroom. I guessed that, as she got bigger and bigger with the baby she was now having, her toilet visits would be more frequent, so really it was best I tried to find somewhere for myself and move out before then.

The thought didn’t make me feel very confident though, so I slid under the water and concentrated on enjoying the feeling of the warm scented bubbles all over my skin instead.

Consequently, by the time six thirty came, I was scrubbed clean from my travel-stains, in a fresh, navy blue, daisy-printed shift dress. I had even managed to tame my curls into beachy waves using tongs (I may have packed in a hurry, but a girl knows what to pack). I’d reapplied my eyeliner and gone for a classic fifties sort of make-up — red lips, pale pink cheeks and lots and lots of black mascara.

I don’t know why I felt the need to get quite so dressed up for my stint in the corner of the Spatchcock, but I must admit when I walked into the bar and Jay caught sight of me, he did a bit of a double-take and his subsequent smile made me go a little fizzy inside.

I know. Ridiculous.

‘You look amazing, Tilds. Can I get you a drink? Sam said the first one’s on the house.’

‘That’s very true,’ said Sam, who was working at the other end of the bar.

‘Thanks.’ I smiled and gave Sam a thumbs-up sign. He waved and smiled back. ‘And thanks Jay,’ I said, turning my attention back to Jay. ‘It’s amazing what you can do when you’re not disturbed by someone weeing. White wine please.’ I smiled at him, and resisted the urge to flick my curls over my shoulder. ‘And if you can tell me where I’m sitting, that would be fab.’ I’d already clocked a table quite close to the bar, which I’m sure hadn’t been quite so close earlier.

‘You can only mean my sister, invading the bathroom. Yep, I’ve had experience of that myself. When she was little, mind. Not in recent years.’

‘In some ways, it seems Rosie hasn’t changed.’

‘Not at all. We’ve put you there — is that okay?’ Jay pointed to the table I’d had my eye on and I was relieved, glad it wasn’t too far from him — the only person I really knew in Padcock, I reminded myself. That made me feel a little weird again. I wasn’t great at being the odd one out (even more reason to move out of the flat before I became an unpleasant third wheel), but I still felt more comfortable at the idea of being here, in the Spatchcock, than in a bar in London.

‘That’s fine. I’ll be able to watch everything that goes on and drink all the wine.’

‘Good plan.’ There was a pause as I watched Jay fill my glass up. I was pleased to see he’d remembered that I liked pinot grigio. ‘Umm, I had a text from Rosie,’ he said, not looking at me. ‘She wanted to know if I’d heard from you.’

Shit. I hadn’t actually told her where I was going, had I? Just that I was going “away”.

‘And?’ I asked.