Page 196 of The Fire We Make

Joy was painfully withdrawn for the rest of the evening, her mind doing its best to detach from the physical so she could do what needed to be done.

By the time they made it home that night, Joy’s mind had been made up.

She ran back and forth with it until her brain and soul were both tired but she knew what decision she’d made when she walked into the closet and she’d begun to share with Ace and began clearing all of her belongings off of the hangers.

She detached herself, steeling herself to do what she didn't want to do but needed to be done.

Leave, she coached herself. Go now or you’ll never do it. You’ll stay here forever, blissfully content and woefully ordinary.

Nothing but the King’s girl, her father’s voice chimed in but it sounded like a mix of her own and his, blended into one to taunt her.

Ace stood in the doorway of his bathroom watching Joy apply her nighttime serums and creams to her face.

He hadn’t been more than 10 feet away from her but the space between them the past few days had felt like a chasm.

They hadn’t spoken further about the visit from her father but it didn’t take a genius to figure out what was happening in that head of hers. The space she put between them was confirmation enough. The same look he’d seen on her face the night they met — sad, angry, and confused — he saw on her again.

He’d stayed quiet about it, giving her space to sort out her feelings on her own. To make a decision on her own. But he felt her pulling away from him.

She barely acknowledged him as she moved from the bathroom to the closet that had once only had his belongings but was slowly filling with hers too. Ace didn’t want to see his closet, his home, or his life devoid of Joy’s presence. Not now that he’d gotten used to the warmth she'd brought to the chill he was used to.

Ace’s heart clenched in his chest when he saw her begin pulling items off of the hangers and stuffing them unceremoniously into the duffle bag she’d emptied and discarded several times over.

He huffed out a laugh of disbelief.

“That nigga got to you huh?”

Ace’s voice was ominously quiet behind Joy as she continued packing.

“I-… They need me,” Joy whispered.

“Now they need you huh? A month ago they didn’t care whether you were alive or dead but now they need you and you go running?”

Joy stiffened. “That was mean.”

“It’s the truth.,” he retorted. When she didn’t turn around, he spoke again. “Why are you doing this?”

Joy continued throwing the items she’d brought over into the bag she’d emptied not even two weeks ago. “This is what I am… who I am. I don’t know how to be anything else.”

Joy still wouldn't turn around to look at him and not having her eyes made Ace’s jaw tick with an unfamiliar feeling that threatened to morph into anger.

He stalked towards her and gripped her hips, turning her to look at him. “So be that here. No one said you had to go back there to be yourself. You can have anything you want here with people who actually care about you.”

“For how long?” Joy asked. Her voice was no longer soft and meek with regret. It was hard and cold with memories of abandonment.

“Excuse me?” Ace’s tone matched hers. Cold. Angry. And filled with the pain of watching the woman he loved back away from him both physically and emotionally.

“You claim you want me now and you don’t care about who I am but how long will that last? Who’s to say I won’t fuck things up for you the way I did back home?”

Ace gripped her face roughly. “I don’t give a fuck. You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you. How long I’ve waited to find someone who saw me and got me. You don’t think I can love you because you don’t love you but that’s fine. I’ll love you enough for the both of us. I’ll show you how to love yourself but don’t leave me. Don’t do that shit. I need you.”

Ace was desperate, pleading. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. The pain he felt watching Joy slip away was worse than any bullet he could take.

“Please Joy,” he begged, unnerved by her silence.

Externally, Joy was expressionless, but inside, she was a raging war of uncertainty. The look in Ace’s eyes and the crack in his voice slowly broke her down.

She didn’t want to leave him.