Page 105 of The Fire We Make

Joy wracked her brain for the last time she had fun and came up empty as well. Ace pulled her leg over him and began stroking her thigh with the pads of his fingers in a repetitive soothing motion.

“You know what I like about you?”

Joy glanced up at him. “You already answered that.”

He shook his head with a chuckle.

“Nah. Not that.”

“Then what?”

“You don’t flinch.”

“What do you mean?” Joy asked, her eyes lowering as her body relaxed.

“Every day, people fear me. Avoid me. Respect me but keep their distance. They flinch. Because of who I am, who my family is. You don’t though. You don’t watch your words or your tone with me. You don’t flinch away from me when I touch you. You talk to me regular.”

Joy let out a quiet huff. “You are regular, nigga.”

That was a lie. Ace was many things but regular was not one of them. He was regal as his name suggested, not only in his anatomy but also in his presence. The way he carried himself was larger than life.

Ace smirked.

“Yeah. You the only one who treats me like it.”

“That sounds… lonely.”

“It is.”

Joy looked up at him but his eyes were closed and his expression was blank. His head was thrown back and if his hand weren’t still moving against her thigh, she’d have thought he fell asleep.

Blame it on the romantic music, the bourbon still lingering in her blood, or the way Ace’s fingers stroked her skin but as she lay on Ace’s chest, Joy’s mind drifted.

Joy had never been loved — not in the romantic sense at least. They say to be loved is to be seen but she’d always played roles, being whoever she needed to be in that moment.

Until recently, she didn’t even see it as a possibility. Perhaps if she was able to become and stay normal, she would experience it. Maybe if she was able to evict the parts of her that made her cover the mirrors in her home on bad nights, she could experience more nights like this.

Joy felt something dim inside her. The fact that she was even considering being loved by Ace meant she was already in too deep.

“What’s wrong Rose?” Ace asked, sensing the shift.

Joy stared blankly out the floor to ceiling windows they faced at the Hudson River, illuminated by New York’s lights. She shook her head in response.

“Nothing. I-I actually need to go,” she said. She began extracting herself from Ace’s arms to rise but he tightened his hold.

“Nah. Why you running?”

Joy shook her head again in response. She didn’t know how to articulate her feelings at the moment. All she knew was that being with Ace felt too comfortable, too right, and every alarm bell was sounding in her head to get out. To run while she still could, because she was falling for this man fast.

“Just let me go Adonis,” Joy pleaded. She felt weak and pathetic and didn’t want him to witness it.

“No, baby talk to me,” Ace said. The soft tone in which he spoke to her and the sweet names of endearment on his lips only made her struggle harder.

She wanted to free herself before he made the decision for her but Ace wasn’t having it. He kept her close until she tired herself out.

The two of them now sitting upright, Joy looked up at Ace who looked down at her with concern but understanding.

“What are you so afraid of?” Ace asked, stroking her cheek with his thumb.