Page 161 of Time To Learn

33

Laura

“Go, boy, go!”I shout as I jump on Thunder’s back and grab onto his longmane.

Tears stream down my cheeks as I lean down, making my body as small as possible as he takes off. His muscles quiver between my thighs as we ride in the heavy rain, taking us further and further away from the house.

I don’t care about therain.

I don’t care abouthome.

All I do care about is my own heartache that tears through my chest. It doesn’t matter how fast the horse underneath me runs—he can’t outrun the pain, or the crippling loneliness that seeps into mysoul.

Cold…that’s what loneliness feelslike.

The lightning above makes Thunder jerk in fright, causing me to wobble in my seat, and through the fog of my tears, I force myself to pay attention.

The old, sensible Laura is still here, it would seem, because as Ailith’s smile flashes through my mind, I try to catch my bearings. I know the hills around me better than my own back pocket, but the ground is soggy from all the heavy rain we’ve been getting the last few days, and I’d be stupid if I didn’t pay heed to my own safety.

“Whoa, Thunder, slow down,” I croon, clamping my thighs harder against him, silently asking him to obey me. Once he stops completely, his breaths coming out in heavy puffs, I lean down to rest my cheek against hisneck.

I shiver in the cold rain, and mentally slap myself for not putting on my fleece jumper before I took off like that. Staying at home, trying to ignore the compassionate looks Mum gave me, was unbearable.

“By now, Kristian will have read my letter,” I whisper softly into the afternoon once my tears have subsided. “What will he think ofme?”

Despite the torrential rain, the silence is deafening.

“I’m a coward, Thunder,” I whisper, “a coward and afool.”

Defeat washes over me, through my wet clothes, and settles in my heart like a cold blanket from which you’ll never gain any warmth. I start to tremble and sniffle, breathing in the familiar, calming scent of horse andrain.

“We need to get home,” I sigh and straighten up slowly. Blinking through the curtain of rain, I cluck my tongue and knead my fingers through Thunder’s thick mane again. “Please take me home?” I plead, my voice lifeless and like that of a small child who no longer has any hope in her heart.

Thunder snorts once and I settle on his back as he turns around and trots back to thefarm.

My mind is whirling with rampant thoughts, and I can’t seem to grasp onto a single one as we approach the one place that I used to call my sanctuary.

However, it doesn’t feel like that anymore.

I raise my head and glance up at the sky, scanning it for a plane, but then shake my head at my stupidity.

My sanctuary—my safe haven—isn’t herenow.

Instead, he’s flying home, and all I can do now is wait for him to return.

If he everwill.

* * *

“Being pregnant stinks,”Trish sulks into her bowl of ice cream.

It’s been a full day since I said goodbye to Kristian, and while he texted me like he promised, that’s all I’ve heard fromhim.

My head is telling me not to expect to hear from him again.

To give up and go back to they way things were before he came into mylife.

Yet, my heart is stubborn…it’s urging me to keep hoping against hope. It’s telling me to fight for him—for me and my happiness—but it’s noteasy.