Page 87 of His Secret Wish

He glanced away, scratching at the back of his neck. The urge to go to him, to touch him, soothe him, welled up inside her. But she resisted, sliding her hands under her thighs to stop from reaching for him.

It took a handful of painful heartbeat before he looked back at her. The hurt in his gaze overshadowed everything. “Why would you think that, Izzy? Why would you think I was only with you so I could have a family? Did you think I was going to fall out of love with you if we could never have children? Do you really think so little of me?”

She sniffed, her eyes stinging. “No, Owen, I don’t think anything of the sort. And I know it was stupid, but you became so distant, started pulling away from me after that last time. I was afraid that telling you would drive you even further away from me. To a place where I’d never be able to find you again.”

He took her hand in his. His calloused palm against her skin felt like coming home. “I’m sorry I did that, that I made you feel like you couldn’t come to me.” He sighed. “But after that last time, when I’d almost lost you, I freaked out. I was so scared of the next pregnancy killing you, I figured if I didn’t touch you, if we didn’t have sex, there’d be no way you could get pregnant again. I know it was stupid, but in my over emotional brain, it made perfect sense.”

“Oh, Owen.” She cupped his cheek. He leaned into the touch, although she was positive he didn’t realize it. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You’d been through so much, I didn’t want to burden you.”

“We’d been through so much. It wasn’t just me. We’re a team you and I. I just think we got lost there for a bit, too afraid of hurting one other to actually talk about what was happening, what we were going through.”

He pulled away from her touch, glancing away. “I think you’re right about the fear. It had just been so overwhelming, and it had happened so many times...” He let the words trail off. The silence between them was deafening. When he looked back at her, the frost was back in his gaze. “But, you’re wrong. We’re not a team, not anymore. You made that perfectly clear.”

She wanted to cry at the tortured words. At the anguish in his eyes. She’d hurt him so badly while thinking she was protecting him. She was such a fool.

“Owen, I—“

He shook his head, pushing to his feet. “We’re done now. I think it would be best if you left.” He strode toward the hallway.

Panic engulfed her. She leaped to her feet. She needed to stop him. “I lied.”

He stooped, his back rigid. But he didn’t turn around, didn’t say anything.

She clasped her hands in front of her. Took a breath, and then another. Her heart was hammering against her ribcage like the wings of a hummingbird. “I lied to you when I said I didn’t love you. When I said you needed to move on.”

The words hung in the air between them, so heavy she was afraid they would crush the two of them. She didn’t dare breathe.

His shoulders dropped, the muscles in his back relaxing. He spun around slowly. His mask was back, the one that made him unreadable. Not a good sign. At least he wasn’t staring at her with disdain. She’d take it as a win.

“What did you say?” His words were low, barely audible over the thrumming of her heart.

She rubbed her hands together. “I said, I lied to you back in Truckee. I didn’t mean it when I said I didn’t love you, that I wanted you to move on.”

He stared at her hard, and she wanted to squirm, get out of the line of fire. But she couldn’t because that would be cowardly, and she was done hiding her feelings from him.

His eyebrows arrowed down into that ferocious scowl again. She so wanted to soothe him, but she knew she was currently balanced in the edge of a knife. One wrong move and they’d both get sliced to ribbons.

“Why?” His question was sincere, clear confusion in his voice.

She took a step closer. “Because I’m an idiot.”

He gave her another cocked eyebrow. It felt like progress.

“And I thought I was doing the right thing, letting you go, since I knew I couldn’t give you what you wanted.”

“Izzy—“

She held up her hand. “No, let me finish.” He clamped his mouth shut, although there was a tick in his jaw. “I already told you I was scared of telling you about the hysterectomy. And I’d convinced myself you were better off without me, that you didn’t really want me.”

“That’s not true.” His voice was low, frayed around the edges.

“I know that now, and I think a part of me even knew that then. I was just so scared that, if I put myself out there, you’d reject me, push me away again.” Her breath hitched. “Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. If I had to go through it all again, I knew I’d never survive.” She hiccupped, which turned into a sob. Her eyes filled with tears, spilled over to her cheeks. Jesus, she was so tired of crying.

“Oh, mi cariño.” In two steps he was across the room, pulling her into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his waist and sobbed against his chest, the solid length of him against her a welcome feeling. He skimmed his fingertips along her spine, the touch soothing in a way it had never been before.

After her tears dried up, she didn’t move away, wanting to soak up the moment for as long as it lasted. He seemed content to do the same, and they stood there, held each other for a long time.