Page 126 of The Devil’s Lair

I clear my throat. “Remember I asked you whether I had a governess as a kid?”

“Yes, and I told you. Ava Southall.”

“Well, I looked into her.”

Dad’s head tilts to one side. “Why?”

“Because of what happened at the monthly dinner. That outburst, Dad. It wasn’t like me at all.”

He nods. “No, it wasn’t, but I still don’t follow.”

“If you remember, the trigger was Victoria suggesting a governess for Isla. Something didn’t sit right with me, so I had a private investigator run a background check and see what he could discover. As soon as I saw her face, I…” Scraping a hand through my hair, I fill my lungs with oxygen and hold it there. My hands break out in a sweat, and a gigantic lump crawls into my throat.

“Take your time.”

I wipe my palms on my trousers. “Memories came flooding back. Memories I’d suppressed.”

He sits up straighter, his razor-sharp gaze locked on me, unwavering. “What memories?”

“Of her. Ava. Touching me. Telling me what a good boy I was. And him, the husband, sitting in the corner, watching. Always watching. Giving instructions.”

Dad blinks, his face painted in shock. “Are you telling me what I think you’re telling me?”

I nod.

“Tobias, no,” he whispers. “Oh, Son. God, no.”

When the first tear snakes down Dad’s face, I hold it together. It’s the strangled sob that rips from his throat like a wounded animal that breaks me. My father gets up from his chair and comes around to my side of the desk. Next thing I know, I’m in his arms.

“I’m so sorry,” he murmurs. “I never knew. I never knew.”

His shirt is soaked from my tears, and mine’s soaked from his. “It’s not your fault,” I croak.

“It is. It is.” Vehement, he steps back, but his hands remain on my upper arms. He squeezes. “I’m your father. I should have known what was happening to you, what they were doing to you. My boy. My precious boy.”

“Dad, don’t. You had so much on your plate then: Mum, Annabel, Xan. So much trauma, and we all turned to you, forgetting that you were dealing with the pain of their loss just as much as we were.”

“That’s no excuse. I brought that woman into this house.” He rubs a hand over his mouth. “I put you in harm’s way.”

I knew he’d blame himself. First George and Alice, now me. Once again, my father is shouldering a load heavy enough to buckle his knees. I’d wanted him to know, and now that he did, I almost wished I hadn’t told him. The look on his face sits heavy in my gut, and I know I’ll be carrying it for a while.

I bow my shoulders. “I shouldn’t have told you.”

“No. No. I’m glad you told me.” His jaw locks. “Where are they?”

“They live in a bungalow in Sussex. I went to see them.”

His eyes flare. “When?”

“Couple of weeks ago.”

“Alone?”

“No, Rebecca came with me.”

On hearing my wife’s name, or maybe the way I say it, his whole expression brightens. “She makes you happy.”

“Happier than I ever thought possible.”