Page 58 of Falling for the King

He looked down at his name edged into the desk and above that his father’s, and in that moment he recognised he was nothing like him. Would never be. His father had been unfit for the role not only because of his behaviour over his wife, it was his attitude to leadership, to duty, to honour. It hit him then that his greatest fear had been replaced with that of losing Kat for good. Because his feelings for her had no comparison and that terrified him. Despite her rejection he still felt a bond to her, yearned for her with an intensity that knew no bounds, because …

He loved her.

He sank onto the edge of his desk strewn with papers he’d been unable to concentrate on. Shocked, he could see clearly what his feelings for her meant, what they deserved to be called.

Love.

He’d always thought himself an astute man, how could he be so blind? He couldn’t pinpoint when his feelings for her had changed other than when he passed on Edgar’s proposal an awareness sprung to life between them that morphed into a fully-fledged physical attraction. And during the tour, the more time he spent with her, the deeper his respect had grown as he’d gotten to know the real Kat, complete with vulnerabilities, with fears. He’d come to seek her opinions, rely on her judgement and he’d formed a bond with her he’d never experienced with anyone else. And in doing so she’d challenged him like nobody else. His inability to take a break for reasons he’d never fully been able to articulate before exposing his fear of being like his father. Her courage had helped him break the bonds of the past and change him forever.

Kat, who’d been brave enough to bare her heart to him revealing that she loved him, he hoped he wasn’t too late. That she’d forgive him and give him a chance to make her believe he loved her. Would always love her. He ran a shaking hand through his hair. He’d have to expose himself like never before if he had any chance of convincing her. But she was worth that risk, she was worth everything.

Chapter 15

Katerina grimaced at her sketch pad a never-ending headache hammering against her brow and a knot of anguish twisting her stomach. Xavier’s likeness stared back at her despite her attempts to draw the stunning surrounds, anything but him. It’d proved fruitless. Every sense, every thought was attuned to him as much as she wished it weren’t the case. She’d left him the night of his proposal and visited Mrs BC in London. One long week of pretending her heart wasn’t ripped in two, that everything was okay, and she wasn’t completely destroyed. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since she’d left although all she had to do was pick up a paper, search the net, things she wouldn’t allow herself to do.

Then she did what she should’ve done years ago and booked a trip to the eco tree house that had long captured her imagination and escaped from public view. She wasn’t waiting any longer to fulfil her dreams. Five days later she could admit it’d delivered every one of its promises, still she could find no peace nor rest from her inner turmoil. But she would, she had to.

She frowned at the sound on the staircase. The security team and staff knew she didn’t want to be disturbed and had honoured that since she’d arrived. Planting her bare feet on the floorboards she walked through the one-room tree house, the late afternoon sun pouring through the open shutters warming her bare legs clad in denim shorts. She craved the heat, a welcome relief from the cold of Maynet and London, yet it failed to warm her.

Swinging open the outer door her battered heart lurched, Xavier stood halfway up the staircase his dark tormented eyes spearing hers from an ashen face. She blinked and pressed a hand against her chest and right then any notion that she’d been able to cure even an inch of her feelings towards him disappeared.

For a moment neither moved.

‘Can I come up?’ he asked raw and low.

Struck mute she could only stare as she struggled to compute what she was seeing, hearing.

‘Please, Kat.’ His voice broke and shock slammed into her.

‘Okay,’ she croaked then repeated it firmer, louder.

He charged up the stairs. Galvanised into action Katerina left the door open and headed back inside, seeing him was hard enough, catching even a hint of his scent would be fatal. Taking her position on the front balcony he advanced towards her not seeming to notice the stunning sunset, magnificent view, light filled space … only her. Goosebumps broke out along her bare arms, down her spine, she shivered yet she wasn’t the least bit cold.

‘Why are you here?’ she asked hoping for the strength to withstand another proposal. Suddenly, the horrifying thought that he’d come to inform her he was marrying someone else took hold. She wrapped an arm around her waist and squeezed as her other hand gripped the balustrade. Was that the reason he was here, in the middle of nowhere?

‘You’ve lost weight. Haven’t you been eating?’ He frowned, his gaze inspecting every inch of her from her puffy eyes, her low messy ponytail, bare limbs to her pink painted toenails.

Eating, like sleeping, was something from the past. She couldn’t fathom much enthusiasm for the former, and the latter was elusive. Instead, each night featured a constant rewind of every moment she’d had with him since he’d informed her of Edgar’s proposal.

‘You haven’t come all this way to ask me about my food intake.’

He cleared his throat and suddenly she didn’t think she could bear to hear what he had to say. ‘How did you get here?’ She took a breath, she was no coward. ‘Why are you here?’ she asked again lifting her chin and planting her trembling legs apart, hoping they’d keep her upright.

‘I’m taking a break, my first holiday in years.’ He cleared his throat sounding and looking a little bit self-conscious and a whole lot unsure of himself. ‘I’ve got you to thank for that, I’ve finally realised that taking a break, having time out isn’t going to undo all the work I’ve done over the years. You’ve done over the years. I’ve even delegated more projects.’ A muscle jerked in his jaw and he rocked back on his heels.

‘I’m glad to hear that, Xavier.’ She was. ‘But why are you here, here?’

‘I need to speak to you.’ Her shattered heart pitched and sunk. He was getting married, no wonder he looked totally out of his comfort zone.

‘Because you’re getting married? Is that what you’ve come to tell me?’ she clarified, unable to hide the tremble in her voice.

‘Yes. No. I don’t know, I hope so.’ He cleared his throat again and ran a hand over his hair. ‘I’m making a mess of this. What I came to say to you, to tell you is … I love you, Kat.’

She gripped the railing harder, his words refusing to make sense as they battered against the defences she’d painfully resurrected.

‘No, you don’t.’ She shook her head.

‘You have every reason to doubt me. Growing up witnessing the destruction that my parents caused I blamed love and have been avoiding it ever since. But you’ve made me see, made me feel what it really is and it’s your honesty and bravery that have opened my heart. You’ve made me realise that wasn’t love, that was their actions, choices, not mine, not yours, not ours. I can’t bear to think of my behaviour when I proposed to you, what I said to you. I’m terrified you won’t ever forgive me, but I’ll never stop showing you, telling you how much I love you. Please give me a chance so we can build a life together, a partnership, you and me. To build a marriage like no-one in my family has ever had.’ His face had leeched of all colour except a flush sitting along his cheekbones.