Page 644 of Coal Hearts

“What could you have possibly done to say we’re similar?”

I stiffened. I didn’t want to tell him, but words tumbled anyway. “There was no one to protect me either. No one to stop him. I cried as I hurt women who’d only ever been nice to me. I had to live with those same women afterward and rightly deserved their hate. Not one of them dared look in my direction. No one talked to me, hugged me. The loneliness of being ostracised—” I cut myself off with a sneer. “Fuck. That’s not important. What is important is—”

“You were raised in a place like this?” Peter sniffed, his face guarded.

“Not as grand or with lots of guests, but yes.”

“So you admit it’s not just a desire but in your fucking genes? And you think you can ride off into the sunset with Ily and what? Forget who you are? Put aside all that shit? All this power?”

“I know enough of my needs that I never want to break her. I need her to fight back—”

“Wow, you truly are sick.” He almost spat on my feet. “I hope she leaves you. She deserves better.”

“I agree. She does deserve better.” A wash of remorse chilled me. I snorted with disbelief as I confessed. “And if she chose you over me, I wouldn’t stop her.”

“What?” He eyes popped wide. “Y-You’re saying you’d step aside?”

“I am.” I fought the jittery mess of my pulse. “But I would also fight like hell because what you saw is true. I would cut out my heart if she wanted to dine on it. I would cut out the heart of all those she asked me to. I’m twisted, I won’t deny that. But what you didn’t see is...when I love someone, I become the most faithful son of a bitch. And Ily loves you. Therefore, I’ll do whatever it takes to help you.”

He staggered a little. “She said that? That she loves me?”

I sighed.

I really, really didn’t want to hurt him.

I tried not to say it.

I said it anyway. “As a friend. A cousin perhaps.”

“A cousin?” He winced. “She said she loves me like a cousin?”

“Fuck’s sake.” Raking both hands through my hair, I glowered. “No, you fool. We don’t exactly lie around talking about you. I have no idea how she feels about you. I just...I saw the way she looked at you before Emerald Bruises started. You were high and hurting and her heart fucking broke for you.”

“Because she loves me...”

“Because she cares about you. Look, I have to go. I don’t trust anyone in this godforsaken place and can’t think straight when she isn’t near me. Are we doing this or not?”

“You think a sob story of you as a kid is gonna earn my trust?”

“Merde, you’re hard work.” Crowding him, I held out my hand. “You need a vow? Fine. I’m in. I’m all fucking in. I’m doing this—not for you or for her—but for my brothers and sisters who I failed when I was younger. I’m in, alright?”

Peter never broke eye contact.

His worry and fear faded a little as he looked at my outstretched hand.

“Come on, Peter...” Ticking time scratched against my nerves. “Do we have a deal or not?”

Swallowing hard, he studied me.

He saw me.

Judged me.

And then, he softened.

His hate turned to hope.

His loathing to trust.