Page 342 of Coal Hearts

My cheeks grew hot. “If anyone deserves an apology, it’s you. Have you not seen your back? Good grief, Peter, it’s—”

“Sore but survivable.” He forced a smile. “Like I just said...body abuse is one thing, but mental abuse? Dangling hope in front of you? Making you consent to what he did to you?” He shook his head. “I told you he’s one of the worst, and you didn’t believe me. But you believe me now. I know you do. And I get why you think tonight would be a good night to form an army and go to war. But—”

“Tonight is a good night.”

“Tonight, I have to save one life, not kill us all.”

“If we stand up together. We could win.”

He huffed and grabbed my hand. “We’ll talk and search. We’ve already wasted too much time. Come on.”

Breaking into a jog with him, I did my best to share my probably lethal, terribly suicidal plan. “Henri might’ve lied, but I didn’t. I made a promise to get you guys out. I’m not giving up just because he has.”

He shot me a look as we splashed through rain and grass. “What the hell are you saying?”

“I’m going to try. I have to. This is not how this ends. For any of us.”

He slammed to a stop again. “You can’t be serious. Have you not been paying attention? There’s no way off this stinking island. None.” Waving at the high battlements in the distance, he shrugged. “How do you plan on getting past those, huh? How are you planning on stopping the guards from shooting you?” Grabbing his collar, he yanked it. “How are you planning on stepping one foot past the electrical fence and not dying for the privilege?”

Goosebumps skated over me. “I-I don’t know—”

“You try and kill them, and they won’t just kill you back, jaanu. They’ll make you beg for it.”

I froze as the Hindi term of endearment fell from him. Homesickness suffocated every muscle, every synapse, thought, and feeling.

My feet staggered as if he’d physically slapped me with memories of safety and love, only to dump me back into a storm on rapist island.

He caught me with a wince. “Sorry. I-I slipped.”

“It’s fine.”

“None of this is fine, Ily.” He stepped into me and cupped my cheek.

I shivered as his eyes softened in ways they really shouldn’t.

Grabbing his wrist, I whispered, “You shouldn’t have kissed me...back in the vault.”

He froze.

Arguments crossed his face before he shrugged stiffly. “It was just another slip. That’s all.”

I didn’t know what to believe but I nodded and moved away. “We have to get out of here. Please tell me you’re ready to fight. Five years is enough. You deserve—”

“I deserve?” He laughed icily. “What I deserve is the right to kiss whoever I damn well please—if she wants me back. What I deserve is not to have a dick up my ass every fucking day!”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he exhaled hard. “Look, I hate being the voice of reason all the bloody time, and I love your warrior spirit, and of course I want out. I want out every fucking second of every fucking minute but...it’s impossible. There is no way out. Not unless you’re willing to go to the next incarnation and say farewell to this one.”

I drew back. “There has to be a way. Henri took me around the citadel today. I saw the armoury. So many weapons, Paavak. We could figure out a way to steal them and start killing the Masters in their sleep.”

He chuckled with a terrible sigh. “You’re turning out to be quite the murderess.” He turned solemn. “What about the karma you’ll have to repay?”

“I’ll deal with that in the next cycle. I’m sure I’m allowed to take a life if it saves countless others.”

“And you figure you can just waltz around with a machete and slice off the heads of those who own us, huh?”

“Well, not quite like that—”

“You think you can fire an old musket—probably with no gunpowder or ammo—before a guard can shoot you with his Glock?”