Page 257 of Coal Hearts

I needed to find out how much of this transformation was true.

A terrified part of my psyche kept waiting for me to revert.

To snap back into the weak, sniffling bastard who’d suffocated me my entire life.

For the hero to beat back my villain and shove me into another worthless cage.

I’d gone most of my life suffering sickness that could spring from nowhere.

And...after tonight, I couldn’t quite trust that I was cured.

I hoped so.

I tentatively believed so.

But...I had to wait.

And so, I kept sipping vintage wine and watched the sun come up.

By the time golden rays peaked over the guard towers and the men on watch turned off the spotlights aimed at the drawbridge and moat beyond, I closed my eyes and flopped heavily onto my back.

I opened my arms for retribution.

I swallowed hard to entice the sourness of penance.

But still...nothing.

No nausea.

Not even a stomach squeeze.

Slowly, a soft smile tipped my lips.

I closed my eyes to the incandescent sunrise.

I sank inside myself, into all the corridors and forbidden chambers that I’d been too shit-terrified to venture into.

I made myself take inventory.

Forced myself to recall my childhood and puberty full of loneliness and suffering. I remembered the urges that’d crippled me and relived what I’d done to Ily.

And...as I sank into the very soul of my monster, another lock fell away.

The final lock.

The last chain.

Motherfucking tears came to my eyes as I exhaled with bone-shuddering gratitude.

No regret.

No remorse.

My worthless spirit didn’t try to drag me back into unachievable light but was perfectly content to stay in these comforting, worshipping shadows.

I was changed.

I was freed.